The Pursuit Of Freedom
by Destiny07
Summary: Anastasia Steele didn't have the best start to life and moving on has proven harder to do than she thought. She's in her senior year at NYU When Christian Grey comes into her life with demons of his own and threatens to tear down every wall she's worked to build . Can she let him in and find the freedom and she desperately hopes for or will she let the past hinder their happiness?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! This is my first story and I hope you all like it! I have a few different ideas of where to take this story so I'll try to get a few more chapters in this week so you can get a feel for it. At this point I plan on changing the story quite a bit from Fifty Shades but I want to keep parts of the story line and characters alive so I'm struggling a bit to find a middle ground that I'm okay with. Please let me know what you guys think!**

**I do not own these characters! I'm just a fan with an idea for a story :)**

I stare at my mirror frustration nearly taking me over. Finding an outfit really shouldn't be so hard. I scowl at my reflection and chuck my shirt into the overflowing laundry bin. I've tried on 5 skirts and more shirts than I can count and nothing clicks. "Hurry your ass Steele! It's almost 6pm we have an hour until we need to leave and I want to grab some coffee before we get there!". Just like that she can make me smile.

I met Kathrine Kavanagh 4 years ago. A few weeks before we started our freshman year at NYU. Both of us new to the city. I was coming from Ohio and Kate from California. It was 7pm when I walked into Cafe Angelique. She was ordering a large Mochaccino with an extra shot of espresso. I ordered the same and we chatted for a while. I immediately liked her. We laughed at our need to drink coffee in the evening (though I suspect our reasons are much different) and her parents attachment issues. I think they called her 6 times in the hour just to make sure she was doing okay. Three weeks later and a few lunch and coffee dates and we were attached at the hip. The next quarter I moved into her apartment and we've been best friends ever since.

"Don't worry Kavanagh. I'll be on time" I yell back.

Our Friend Jose is a photographer and some of his photos are being displayed at an art gallery downtown. It's no surprise to me. I've been telling him that his photos are brilliant since we met. What's making me nervous with anticipation is the text he sent me an hour ago.

**Hey Ana heads up, A few of my shots are of you. Don't freak, I got your good side**

**WHAT! I love how you conveniently forgot to tell me**

**I'm telling you now... You can't kick my ass until after the photos have been taken. Wouldn't want to ruin me for the camera Haha**

**Hmm true. But after, you're mine. Now on to our real problem. I need to figure out what i'll wear now that i'm a model! lol XOXO**

A thought pops into my head and I quickly shuffle through my closet.

45 minutes later i'm dressed in a black and gray ombre high wasted bandage skirt that hits mid thigh and hugs my curves perfectly, A black tank top with fringe that hangs from the top seam to the bottom of my breasts, an open black cardigan, black tights and dark gray suede hidden platform booties. I go for an edgier look with winged eyeliner and red lips. I let my wavy hair fall around my shoulders and down my back. Giving myself an approving look in the mirror I run out to the living room where Kate is slipping on her shoes and we make our way to the Gallery.

Despite our coffee stop we're right on time. After Drinking the last of my soy latte I toss it in the trash. I walk into the gallery and my mood immediately changes. The nerves I had before melt away along with the sound of New York City. I hear beautiful music playing the background and laughs of people caught in conversation while looking at photographs. Jose's photographs. They still blow me away. He finds beauty in things most would pass over. The vines that climb up the small decaying church. The bird on the gate at the top of the empire state building. The sun shining down on its wings as it's about to take flight above the booming city. I wish I could see the world as he does. Even if only through a lens. I find it hard to see the beauty in a place that seems to let you down at every turn. There is only so much light that can be pulled from your eyes before you start seeing your time in the world as a dull and dreary existence.

Servers walk through with champagne and I grab a flute as I hear him call my name.

"Ana!"

I Turn and admire the man walking toward me. The high society cougars don't look happy to see him go. If looks could kill I have a sneaky suspicion that I'd be six feet under.

He flashes his million dollar smile as he closes the distance between us. It's obvious to anyone why they would be attracted to Jose. His soft brown eyes, short wavy hair and 6 ' 3" athletic build. His skin is an unrealistic caramel color and if it weren't for the scar next to his right ear from our ski trip last winter it would be perfect. Even that adds mystery and a little danger to his look. All of that combined with his newly found success, sheer talent and lovable personality and Jose is everything you could want in a man.

He reaches me and comes in for a hug. In a cold and calculating move I wrap my arms around his neck as he lifts me by my hips and spins me around. I kiss his cheek as he sets me down and I think their plotting my untimely accident so I decide to stop making prissy rich women angry and remember why I came here. To celebrate one of my best friends.

" Well, well Who knew Jose Rodriguez could clean up so nicely." I say as I playfully elbow him in the ribs.

"I told you I own a suit. I have more than jeans and t shirts in my closet. I just need a good reason to pull them out." he laughs and weaves my arm into his.

"Are you going to show me these pictures or are you going to make me die of anticipation" I'm basically jumping up and down with excitement at this point.

"Okay, no dying here Steele. Though it would make an interesting story for the newspaper and student paper that are doing an article on me tonight"

I gasp and pretend to be outraged.

"Speaking of the student newspaper has Kate found you yet? I lost her as soon as I got here "

"Yea practically jumped me when she came in. Told me she better get an exclusive on the rising star, hugged me and then started talking to curly hair over there". He point to Kate and a man as we round the corner. I can't see his face but by the way Kate's green eyes shine and look at him I assume he's attractive. She has her hair brushed to the side and shes laughing. I see her body language and the way she touches his forearm and I know in that moment that Kate is throwing every move she has at him and he doesn't stand a chance.

I pull my eyes away from Kate and curly hair to see where Jose stopped us. I'm blown away when I see the pictures of me. 6 large photos blown up and covering the divider wall. Me in different poses, making faces, different angels. In each the sun light is hitting my face a little different. I look peaceful, happy and carefree. I'm sticking my tongue out in one with my eyes squeezed shut and my nose crinkled up. In another hes zoomed in on the side of my face. I have my fingers in the shape of an O over my eye. My eyes are the brightest shade of blue I think I've ever seen them and I'm stunned. In another I'm bending down in a lilac field smelling the vibrant flowers, my dress flowing in the breeze. I remember this day. It was Jose's 21st birthday and I had just gotten him a new camera. We drove around taking pictures of anything and everything.

"Thank You" I say, with my head leaning on his arm.

"Thank you, Cielito"

"Excuse me Mr. Rodriguez, may we have a picture of you and Miss. Steele?"

"Of Course"

I straighten up and smile and the reporter snaps a few pictures and then walks way to answer a few question she has for him. Now I'm more aware of the people standing around looking at me. No doubt because of very large pictures on the wall. I suddenly feel like the edgy bright makeup wasn't the best idea but I'm already wearing it so I might as well own it. Still, I can't shake feeling that eyes are burning through me. A shiver runs down my back as I turn to my left to see a pair of bright gray eyes staring at me. It's as though they are staring through to my soul and willing me to come to him.

He walks towards me and stops a foot away. Normally I would be uncomfortable with a stranger being this close but there is something different about him. Something tells me I should be terrified but it just excites me. Given my current love life I should probably start listening to these feeling but that's never gotten me anywhere.

" So you're the muse" He says and I think I could swoon at his feet if he says another word. His smooth deep voice pulls me in and I'm sure I would do anything this man tells me.

"I guess so. I'm still getting use to it though. The idea that strangers want to look at my pictures is still odd to me."

He gives me a look like he understands and a small smile plays on the corners of his mouth before he opens it to talk to me.

"Will you make me call you muse all night or can I have your name?"

His smile is back and in full force. _this man is gorgeous_.

"Anastasia Steele" I finally manage to get out.

"Christian Grey" He says as he takes my hand. The energy between us changes and soon as he touches me and fire runs through my veins.

_This is not good. _

**Thanks for reading! Please review : ).**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you guys so much for the reviews/follows/favorites! I'm glad you guys like my story so far and I hope I don't disappoint you guys. **

_Breath._

His hand tightens and I wonder if he felt it too. But, I brush that thought off right away.

Grey eyes lock me in place and for a moment I forget where I am. Something about this feels too intimate. The look in his eyes, his smell, the way his chest slowly moves with each breath, His powerful touch, enough to make it clear that he could dominate me if I allowed him too but gentle enough to make me feel safe. Right then I have a million visions of what his hands could do to my body. I could almost feel them sliding down my sides and over my sensitive skin. I lost my breath for a moment before I brought myself back to reality. Yes, far too intimate.

In a move I can describe as Oscar worthy I slightly squeeze his hand as I give a small smile and then remove my hand from his. I am a shaking mess on the inside but anyone looking at me would think I'm calm and collected. I turn towards a photo I had completely forgotten about. In it my back is turned toward the camera holding my hair up with both hands. I had let Ian sharpie tattoo a picture of a woman onto my back. Her hair was thick and wavy like mine and was spread out over most of the room on my back. Her face was painted to look like a sugar skull and her eyes looked as if they told a story. I have always loved this picture. Anyone but the 3 of us would never be able to tell that the tattoo wasn't real. Just black sharpie but the detail is amazing.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

_What?_

"Um... Who?"

"The photographer, Mr. Rodriguez"

"Oh Jose, no he's just one of my best friends."

He nods and opens his mouth again and closes it quickly.

I let a small giggle out as I remember when I tried to _go there_ with Jose. Our date was great but when he kissed me we knew there could be nothing between us. We valued our friendship too much. Honestly kissing my best friend was just too weird. We agreed to never speak about it after that night. Kate doesn't even know.

"Something funny Miss. Steele?" His jaw clinches as he finishes his words and I lose my breath again.

"Nothing important Mr. Grey" My voice is almost a whisper

He's just about to say something when Kate comes to save the day.

"Hey Ana, you ready to go? I have to drop this stuff off at the paper and get some sleep for finals. I envy your ability to function on 4 hours of sleep."

"Yea I'm ready. Just give me a minute and get a taxi and I'll be out"

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Christian." I say as I turn towards him.

"The pleasure is all mine Anastasia"

I find Jose right away and I congratulate and hug him. I insist on him coming out with us tomorrow to celebrate the last class of the year and his success. I've already gotten his present and I'm really excited to give it to him. I feel those same burning gray eyes on me until I'm out of the gallery.

Kate is waiting in a cab across the street. She gushes about curly hair the entire way home. Apparently his name is Elliot, he owns a contracting business and she has invited him and his brother to come and see my band tomorrow night. Nothing big, we play at small bars around the city sometimes and tomorrow we'll be playing an acoustic night at spotlight.

"Umm Kate, they know it's not a double date right? I told you Ian will be there."

"Yea they know. How is your boy toy doing anyways? I haven't seen him in a while"

"Good I suppose. And stop calling him that!"

"Fine your friend with benefits, dirty little secret, what does he prefer to be called?" She says trying not to laugh.

"Oh I don't know maybe Ian?"

" In any case they know it's not a date. Not that I'm not hoping Elliot asks me out. He's dreamy" She puts her hand over her heart and falls back into her seat.

"You've got it bad Kavanagh" _hmm I'm excited to meet curly hair now. _

I fell asleep the moment my head hit the pillow. My dream starts out the same as it always has. My mothers here, she's angry. She is yelling but I can't hear what she is saying. The disappointment in her eyes is obvious. I tell her I need her and she fades away. _Everyone always leaves_

Then Cole is there. My brother, my best friend and saving grace. I'm hugging him. He's telling me he needs to go. I'm crying as he walks onto the bus. _Everyone always leaves_

Three loud knocks on a door. Where is it coming from? I finally see them in the distance. 2 men coming towards me. They have to tell me but I can't listen. I run. They can't tell me if they can't find me. But they do. They always do.

"Anastasia Steele?" _No, she's not here. She doesn't want this._

"On behalf of the President of the United States, the Marine Corps, and a grateful nation, we regret to inform you..."

_NO. Hes not gone. He's here. You're wrong. You're lieing!_

I'm on the ground and I'm crying. _Everyone always leaves_

There's something different about this dream. The man with the gray eyes. Christian. He holds me. He tells me that everything will be alright. He'll save me. Promises it get be better. He'll take my pain away. But then he's gone. He's gone and I'm lost and alone and cold. I need to wake up. _ANA WAKE UP!_

"Ana wake up!"

"It's Kate, it was just a nightmare. You're in your bed. You're safe"

**Unfortunately this is a nightmare I'm unable to wake up from.**

"Thanks Kate. what time is it?"

"6 I need to get going. I'll see you tonight. I'll just meet you at the bar. Elliot is going to pick me up"

"kay, see you then"

"Ana, was it the same dream? Are you okay?"

"Really Kate I'm fine. Now get going before you're late!"

6 hours later I find myself walking around the city. After class this morning it was either this or go home and binge on Godiva and reality TV. I figured this was better for my behind. I love New York. Ohio is mostly known for farming but I'm from Columbus, City girl through and through. New York is louder but it soothes me. Obviously the two cities are much different but it was a welcome change. One I desperately needed. I could get mesmerized watching these buildings here. Take this one for example, GEH. One of the tallest in the city. Sleek black stone, gold trim, huge windows. Just looking at building I get the feeling that whoever approved these plans wanted to feel untouchable. It really is breathtaking.

Lunchtime in the city is fantastic. The sidewalks are a little more crowded. The sounds of people honking and cabi's yelling always seems to cheer me up for some reason. Food trucks are getting ready for the rush and they smell divine. The scents hit my nose and I immediately remember I didn't eat breakfast and I'm now craving Mexican. I remember a delicious truck a few blocks down and make my way there. Turning the corner in front of the food truck I crashes into a tall man with a rock hard body and I drop my bag causing my belongings to spill onto the side walk. I don't ever remember being this embarrassed. I quickly bend down and pick up the contents of my purse. Thankfully I had switched bags today and had only thrown what I would need for a few hours into this one.

_crap where is my wallet?!_

"Looking for this?" He says

I freeze. I Know that voice. I've dreamt of _that_ voice. I'm almost afraid to look up. I'll know I'll see them. Those gray eyes that see through me. My pulse quickens and my insides scramble as I slowly look at him. He's impeccably dressed in a black suit white shirt and a skinny black tie. Mouth watering really. His hair is combed back and it doesn't look like a piece is out of place. He's perfect.

I take a second and breath before I try and grab my wallet.

"Thanks... I'm sorry I really should be watching where I'm going." I don't know how that didn't come out shaky. I feel like a big ball of nerves.

"Not a problem, Anastasia"

"Christian right? Small world" I reach for my wallet and our fingers touch. Every feeling I felt last night comes back. I gently pull but he doesn't let go. I'm trapped. The rest of Manhattan buzzes by and I'm just frozen, lost in a sea of gray.

"Something like that." He finally says as he lets go.

"Thanks... Again"

"We're you about to get lunch?"

"Yea, this place has the best spicy chicken mini taco's in the city." I point to the truck and smile.

" I haven't tried them. Mind if I join you?

"Not at all" My words come out breathy and I really wish they hadn't. My body has a mind of its own when he's around though. My knees want to buckle and my palms get clammy.

_stop acting like a hormonal teenager Steele. You've seen a hot guy before. Nothing special. _

Okay, even I know when I'm lying to myself. This man is different than anyone I've ever encountered. Not just his look but his attitude. He demands respect with the way he stands and it has nothing to do with how big he is. Though that just adds to my attraction. He's as tall as Jose, Wide shoulders and muscles that aren't painfully huge but someone would be an idiot to think he couldn't do damage if provoked enough. He's radiating dominance and it's hot!

We finish our food and head back down the street. I turn and see a man out of the corner of my eye. I've seen him watching us while we walk and it's starting to get creepy. we're not exactly going at a fast pace and he probably should have passed us by now. Christian senses my unease.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing, just... Okay don't laugh but I keep seeing a man watching us and it's really getting creepy."

He gives me a weird look and grabs my hand pulling me towards the creep.

" Well let see exactly what he wants then shall we?" He says as we get closer

" No Christian DON"T! We're not going to cause a scene in the middle of the street are you crazy?!"

"Maybe" he says and gives me a devilish grin.

We approach the man who is just as big as Christian. He looks at our joined hands and then to Christian.

"It seems the lady here has seen you watching us and it's making her uncomfortable. Is there a problem to need to discuss?

_THIS is why you don't have lunch with men you have only met once Ana. Their fucking crazy!_

"Sir?" The man looks and Christian with a questionable look and Christian smiles. _Have I missed something?_

"Anastasia, this is my head of security Jason Taylor"

I try and look angry but a big smile shows across my face when he starts laughing.

"That really wasn't funny ya know." But then I can't help it and start laughing too.

I apologized to Jason for thinking he was some sort of psycho and he assures me that he wasn't offended before drifting back behind us. It's not too shocking that Christian has personal security. The man screams power and I know he spends a small fortune on his clothes. However, It does make me more curious about him but I don't ask questions. The rest of our walk was spent talking. Well mostly me answering the normal 'getting to know you' questions. Where are you from, what's you're major, what do you do for fun? He tells me about the brief time he lived in Detroit as a child and warns me that he's a die hard Michigan fan. We make a few jokes each at the others teams expense and I'm still laughing when we stop in front of GEH.

"And here I thought you were perfect" I say in between giggles.

I regret the words as soon as they come out of my mouth. The air between us changes and the look in his eyes is one of pure lust.

"Perfect, huh?"

I'm unable to think while looking in his eyes like this. Before I know it he put his arm around me and places his hand flat onto the curve of my back and pulls me into him. He searches my eyes for a brief moment before his lips crash into mine. His kiss isn't gentle or sweet. It's hard and hot and needy. I moan into his mouth and he deepens the kiss. Our tongues moving at a frantic pace against each other. I hear a few cheers and claps from around us and it's enough to pull me out of whatever trance I was in. We break apart panting and I realize what a colossal mistake I had just made. He cups my face and looks into my eyes.

"Your laugh is beautiful."

_I need to leave now. I should have never let this happen._

"I should go. My roommate is waiting for me." _such a liar Ana. I scold myself_

"Come out with me tonight."

_this is exactly what I get for having lunch with him. I knew it was a bad idea and I let my school girl crush take over instead of using my brain. _

"I have plans. I'm sorry this was a bad idea"

"Like hell it was. Cancel your plans. You and I both know you want to say yes." He looks angry and I'm really not sure why. I just need to go and now before I do something stupid.

"Christian, I'm not available."

In that second his expression changes. I can't read him. He stands straighter and looks at me through those gorgeous eyes that have turns the darkest shade of grey I've ever seen.

"What?" He doesn't raise his voice. He's practically growling through clenched teach and it's terrifying.

"I said I'm not available, Christian."

"The photographer?" _Oh Jesus_

"No, I already told you las..."

I didn't have a chance to finish what I was saying before a woman interrupted us.

She didn't look to be much older than me. She had her beautiful blond hair pulled back into a bun and her makeup was flawless along with her tight dress and sky high heals.

"Christian, honey I was just looking for you." _Honey?! My subconscious glared at me. You have no right to be jealous. _

"Elena? What are you doing here?" He's just as thrown off as I am.

"I wanted to surprise you for lunch but it looks like you're busy. Just call me when you're done darling."

She speaks while keeping her eyes on me. Her smile is big but it doesn't reach her eyes. She's looking over my clothes. In dark wash jeans a burgundy long sleeve belted knit cardigan and tall black Roxy UGGS I'm not dressed terribly but I can tell it's not up to her standards. With every moment I stand her I dislike this woman more.

"We're just finishing here" I say "I have to go, Thank you for lunch Christian. And thank you anyways for the invitation for tonight. It was very sweet of you."

And with that I turn and jump into the first cab I see.

I slide down into the seat and put my face into my hands. I can't believe how stupid I was. A part of me is disappointed that I will probably never see Christian again. The rest of me knows it's for the best.

_Ana that man would ruin you if you let him. And God knows you'd let him. _

**Thank you guys so much for reading. Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks so much for the new follow/reviews/favorites! I have a longer chapter for you guys today! I'm trying to give Ana a bit more of a backbone in my story, I always felt she was missing one so I wanted to make her a bit more sassy and kick ass. Let me know if you think the story is progressing too slowly. I think I may do a time jump in one of the next few chapter but I'm not sure yet. I'm really into the thrill of the chase but don't worry A and C will get together soon! I think I'll be officially starting their "relationship" in the next chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT have right to any Fifty shades trilogy characters or story lines. **

**The song in the chapter is NOT written by me. It is Emeli Sande: My Kind Of Love. The acoustic version I know for sure in In the Spotify live from NYC album. **

The rest of the day seemed to drag by. I couldn't keep my mind off of Christian. I can still feel his hands on my body and the weight of his lips on mine will forever be etched into my mind. My trusty friend Google has answered some of my questions about him. CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. and at 27 he's one of the youngest billionaires in the world coming in second next to the guy who created facebook. I'm surprised I haven't heard of him seeing as he's pretty much New York royalty. Son of socialites Grace and Carrick Grey though they adopted him when he was 7. Not much on him relationship wise. Nothing serious at least. A few photo's with blue eyed brown haired girls. Only on the way to and from a beauty salon he owns and few of him taking them out shopping. The last photograph was taken two months ago with a woman named Susanna. I find it odd that these are the only places pictures are taken of him with his girlfriends. I guess he just likes his privacy. I can understand that.

I want to see him again, there's no doubt about that. But I know better. I can't be in a relationship. Especially with a man like Christian Grey. I could be too easy to feel more than I should with him and when he realizes how fucked up I am he'll understand real fast that I'm not worth the trouble. He'll move on to a less complicated blue eyed girl and I'll be left a broken shadow of myself trying to pick up all of my fucked up pieces. I've done that too many times to count and I don't ever plan on reliving any of those experiences. Christian Grey is a no fly zone. A very sexy, mind consuming, turn-you-on-with-all-of-Manhattan-watching no fly zone. A cold shower didn't even calm down my crazy hormones. I need to get him out of my system. Maybe it's just sexual frustration making me so attracted to him. Thankfully Ian is coming out with us and I fully intend on giving him a night he won't likely forget.

It feels like I'm using him. And I'm aware of how terrible it sound but we both know exactly what this is. Neither of us wants anything other than sex. Every few weeks we're stress relievers for each other without expecting anything more. In public we're friends and friends only. We can hang out at the bar, dance and have fun without it being weird. He understands that this is what I want and need and it works for him. He doesn't try to complicate things. He's the only guy I've been with in the last two years and probably the closest thing to a relationship I'll have any time soon. The only guy I had been attracted to other than Jose until gray eyes came along and started messing with my mind.

By the time I get to sound check it's almost 9:30. Spotlight is a smaller bar in the city. They only allow local artists to perform which is perfect for me. I love the atmosphere here. They only have about 15 round tables that go from the front of the stage to the front door. The bar stretches almost the length of the left wall. Hanging on the walls are posters and records of various artist, many from New York and pictures of some of them playing on the Spotlight stage before they made it big. The soft low lighting pulls everything together and makes it feel so comfortable here. They have karaoke and open mic night once a week and that's how I started playing here. I played open mic after Kate insisted that people needed to hear me and the owner asked me if I'd played a few nights a month after that.

Sound check is quick since it's just me and Mira with her acoustic guitar. Unplugged nights are some of my faves. We have the best time on stage. Singing always makes me forget everything else. Just me and the music. Simplicity. When we finished Ian is obnoxiously cheering in the back. Thankfully the only people here are working or getting ready to perform. He still makes me laugh though. I met him at our first unplugged night. He works at the tattoo shop next door and knows the owner so he comes in sometimes before they open. He bought me a beer and congratulated me on getting the gig. Turns out he's one of Kate's brother Ethan's best friends so it's always fun when we can all get together.

"If it isn't the two hottest girls to ever grace the spotlight stage" He says as he makes his way toward us. Mira blushes as he comes between us and puts either arm around our shoulders.

Make no mistake. Ian knows he's hot and he loves the effect he has on women. He works the whole bad boy look perfectly. His arms are covered in tattoos which he loves to show off and he has a body fit for a God. His olive skin and hazel eyes drive girls crazy.

"Flattery will get you nowhere" My words are one thing but my smile shows that I'm kidding and he notices.

Mira runs off to talk to our drummer Jeremy and Ian gives me a look that I know all too well. He's turned on and knowing that I have that effect on him makes happy. _Oh the joys of being a woman. _

"I hope you don't plan on making me go home alone after watching you move around in that dress all night"

"Well, I wasn't planning on it. As long as your up to the task. I feeling a bit more... energized" I purr out. I'm flirting more than usual and I know exactly why. Christian hasn't left my thought no matter how hard I've tried to forget him and our kiss. I feel guilty for being with Ian and I know I have absolutely no reason to. I need to talk to Kate. She'll put things into perspective for me. It doesn't look like she's here yet. So I make my way to the back room to get my phone. The place is just starting to get busy and music has been playing for the last few minutes. We're not on for another 45 so I have some time.

I'm met with 2 missed phone calls and a text from her.

** Answer your phone! I have a surprise for you but I guess you'll just have to wait until I get there**

_Ugh, I hate surprises._ I'm excited to meet Elliot. Kate hasn't gotten this excited about someone in a while.

I send her a quick text back before I have a beer and chat with some other artists getting ready. Before I know it Matt lets us know that we're on in 5. A quick glance at my phone and I see that I have another text from Kate.

**I'm here Steele, come see your surprise, its awful nice.**

**It will have to wait, we're on in 5. I saved you a table in the middle. Ian should be there**

** Gotcha I'm here, and surrounded by 3 VERY hot guys. Heaven.**

I laugh and throw my phone into my purse. If anything Kate knows how to appreciate a good looking man. Applause breaks my thought and then I hear Mat's booming voice.

**The next band coming to the stage you all know well. Tonight you'll only get to see two of them up here but at least it's the hotter of the 4. **_remind me to smack him later_ my subconscious is laughing. He always seems to remind us that we're the only girls to play at his bar other than open mic nights. Our sound is different then a lot of the other bands that play here so I was surprised that he wanted us to keep playing but people seem to like us so I just go with it.

The laughing stops and his big voice fills my ears again. **Give it up for Next Tuesday!**

I Hear cheers and obnoxious yelling again and I know it's coming from our friends. Mira and I make our way to the stage. The lights are lower for our set and the air seems calmer. I try not to look at the people because I know I'll get sick. I get nervous every time I'm up. I chose to sit for this set instead of standing as usual. Being up here feels more intimate today for some reason.

I take the bar stool next to her and adjust the mic stand. I cross my legs tight and pray to god that no one could see my small scrap of underwear.

"How are you guys doing tonight?"

My question is met by cheers and shouts that put a smile on my face.

Mira starts playing and I let myself get lost in the music. I hear the break in her notes and I star singing

I can't buy your love, don't even want to try

Sometimes the truth won't make you happy, still I'm not gonna lie

But don't ever question if my heart beats only for you, it beats only for you

I know I'm far from perfect, nothing like your entourage

I can't grant you any wishes, I won't promise you the stars

But don't ever question if my heart beats only for you, It beats only for you

Cause when you've given up

When no matter what you do it's never good enough

When you never thought that it could ever get this tough

That's when you feel my kind of love

I know sometimes I get angry, and I say what I don't mean

I know I keep my heart protected, far away from my sleeve

But don't ever question if my heart beats only for you, it beat beats only for you

And when you're crying out

When you fall and then can't pick your happy off the ground

When the friends you thought you had haven't stuck around

That's when you feel my kind of love...

When our set is finished I feel great. I'm ready to have some fun with my friends. We're planning on watching a few bands here and then heading off to club Fire to celebrate with Jose. I head for the to bar and grab a few beers for everyone when I glance at our table. I'm immediately frozen where I sand when I see those gray eyes watching me. _What the hell is he doing here? _My body is flooded with so man different emotions I really don't know what to think. I'm happy to see him. Just a few hours ago I didn't think I'd see him again. But this really isn't helping the whole 'Get Christian Grey out of my system' thing I'm going for. Especially not when he's giving me _that _look. I snap out of it and get to the bar. This is going to be a long night and a beer isn't going to cut it. I get a shot of vodka and a beer and quickly down the shot.

Turning to walk towards the table I finally see Elliot, he's pretty cute! He's in between Kate and Christian and it clicks. Of course curly hair and gray eyes are brothers. Just my luck. Ian is sitting next to Christian and they all seem to be having fun. I make my way back and stop when I get in front of the table there are no more seats so I stay standing. All eyes are now on me. Kate jumps up and hugs me.

"THIS" She says with way more energy than she needs "Is my best friend and talented roommate Anastasia"

"Ana, this is Elliot and his brother Christian. You guys met at the gallery too though didn't you?"

she questions. We had talked about how hot Christian was while in the cab last night and she's making it painfully obvious with the looks she's giving me. Ian leaves to the bar and I steal his seat.

"Yes, we did. It's nice to meet you Elliot" I say with a smile. "Mr. Grey, I am beginning to think you're following me"

He laughs and then his piercing eyes look into mine. "Well Miss. Steele, first Taylor and now me. You're a little paranoid don't you think?" He says as he tilts his head to the side and give me the sexiest smile I've ever seen.

Kate gives me an inquisitive look and Christian answers her question before she has a chance to open her mouth.

"Anastasia and I ran into each other outside of my building today, while she was on her way to meet you I believe."

"To meet me?" _oh shit _

I give her a 'Just go with it" look and she catches on.

"Oh yes, well isn't that weird"

The look on Christians face tells me he didn't believe it and I feel like a child who knows she's in trouble. I look down and watch my beer twist in my fingers. At that point Ian must think it's the perfect time to make an impression because he walks behind me wrapping his arm around my waist, lifts me and then sits me back down on his lap. When I turn to look at him he grabs my face and kisses me. I'm shocked. I don't move and I think he feels my body stiffen and he pulls back but keeps an arm wrapped around my waist and resting on my upper thigh. He starts talking to Kate like nothing happened and I'm sitting in his arms trying to act like this is normal. _It's not Ana. _This is the most awkward situation I've ever been put in. I don't know what Ian was thinking. We don't kiss outside of either of our bedrooms and we do not act like we're marking our territory when someone is talking to a member of the opposite sex! We will absolutely be talking about this. But that will have wait because right now I'm sitting on the lap of the man I was planning on going home with, and the man who I made out with earlier today and have been trying desperately to forget is sitting next to us and giving me a look that scares every ounce of my being. _I need to get of here._

"Hey you guys ready to go?" I desperately need to move. I've never put myself in a situation like this before and I really don't ever plan on letting it happen again.

Ian kisses my cheek and squeezes my hips before talking "Yea, we going back to your place or mine?" He says it into my ear but Christian is close enough to hear and he knows it. Kate gives me a 'you've got some serious explaining to do' look and I know I'll face the Kavanagh inquisition later.

"Neither, we're going to Fire. Jose will be their soon and we're celebrating him getting his photo's in the gallery" I think he can hear the ice in my voice but I'll wait until we're alone to yell.

"O yea how was it? I ended up working late and didn't make it. He was suppose to hold the picture of you and the tat I drew on your back but I guess someone offered him 3x the amount and he didn't have a choice but to sell it."

I look towards Christian when I see the corners of his mouth turn up and a smirk show across his face. I know right then that he bought the photo from Jose. _Jesus_. Both of these men are getting on my nerves tonight. Christian looks as if he just won. I highly doubt his ego needed that and I am absolutely not a prize to be won in some bull shit passive aggressive war they have going on.

"I think I have a copy of it at home. You can have it if you want. Hang it up in your shop." There that should knock Christian Grey off of his pedestal for a moment I suppose. "Come with me" I say to Ian. "I have to get my phone from the back room."

He jumps up as I do, holding my hand and entwining our fingers as we walk. I'm livid on the inside but I won't make a scene so I leave my hand in his until we get into the green room. As soon as we close the door and I see we're alone a snatch my hand from his. I wouldn't be surprised if there is smoke out of my ears I'm so angry.

"What the hell was that?!" I yell, hoping no one can hear us.

"I know, it's not what it looks like. Did you see that smug bastard? He was practically undressing you with his eyes and you're fucking dress didn't help. Why the hell are you wearing it anyways"

I look down at myself. It's a short leather bandage dress that clings to my curves. It has to straps that dip and go down my back leaving all the skin 4 inches above my butt bare. I pared it with my spiked leather Louboutin platform pumps that make my 5' 4" frame look much taller. I didn't want to tell him that I'm wearing it for him. That I did my make up for him. That I knew little black dresses and red lips were his weakness and I didn't want to go home alone tonight. But I did anyways. I don't filter when I'm angry and him acting like a jerk was making me angry.

"I wore it for you, you asshole!" I'm screaming and caring who hears me isn't a concern at the moment.

"It shouldn't matter what he does or doesn't do. I was going to go home with YOU! And even if I wasn't you have no right do act like that. I don't act like a jealous girlfriend when girls are all over you. And they are all the time! We're aren't dating in case you forgot. Taking Grey out of this situation, everyone looking at us could tell I've been sleeping with you. That was NOT part of our deal Ian!"

Now he looks really angry and I'm just tired. This whole day has been exhausting and it's not over yet.

"Just let me talk for a minute. That's not why I did it. Do I want to go home with you, yes. Hell if I had a choice I would have had you out of the dress the moment you walked in tonight. But that's not the point, it's not because I'm jealous that he was checking you out. There's something about him that isn't right. He's dangerous, Ana. I'm not your boyfriend. But I am your friend and I don't want to see you get hurt. I'm telling you now that something's off with Grey."

"There is no possible way for you to know that, Ian." I let out a big sigh. I don't have the energy to think about or deal with this right now.

"Let just get your phone and get to Fire". _Finally something we can agree on. I just want to get drunk and forget about this night!_

I yank the door open and almost run into Christian who is walking towards us. He looks dark, angry and gorgeous.

"A word Miss. Steele." The tone of his voice told me it wasn't a question. I felt Ian's body stiffen behind me. I know he's just trying to protect me and I'm going to try to calm to my bitchy side that just wants to get angry at him for trying to manipulate me into staying away from Grey.

"I'll be right out, will you make sure Kate is ready?" He nods without taking his eyes off Christian and walks out. As soon as he clears the doorway Christian closes and locks the door. He walks past me and runs his fingers through his hair.

"So you're fucking that guy?" His tone is clipped and it comes out as more like a growl.

"That is absolutely none of your business Mr. Grey." _What the hell is with this guy? I really don't want to deal with either of them. I feel like I'm going to explode and I've already had enough of yelling._

"Damn it. Answer the question Anastasia."

Who the hell does he think he is? This man is infuriating. And despite the fact that he has absolutely no boundaries and obviously has some need to control women I am completely turned on. I hate my body for betraying me but I can't pretend like I'm not. I just want him to leave. I need him to leave because I can only be strong for so long and I know I'll hate myself I give in to him.

"Fine, do you really want to know despite the fact that it has nothing to do with you, Christian. YES I do sleep with him. A lot. In fact, I came here tonight with every intention of sleeping with him again. Is that what you wanted to hear or do you want me to give you anymore details of my personal life? I can tell you the positions that drive me crazy OR I can tell you what it sounds like when I scream his name after he makes me..."

I didn't have a chance to finish. Before I knew what was happening He had me pinned up against a wall. My arms held above my head and his other hand cupping my butt. He kissed me with the force of his body while digging his fingers into my flesh. He's kissing me like he needs me and my body is reacting like it needs him. In a small moment of clarity I free a hand and push him away.

"I want you, Anastasia"

"Thanks for clearing that up. Let me ask you something. Does that usually work on women? Do you ask then intimate question, then they fall at your feet and let you their way with them?"

The look in his eyes tells me that that's exactly how it works. I'm sure women see his face and bank account and can't say no. But I have too much to lose.

"You want this, Ana. Why are you being so damn stubborn?" He runs his hands through his hair again and is practically glaring at me. I think I've offended him and it makes me wonder if he as ever been turned down by a woman. Rich kid doesn't get the girl. Some how I think he'll be just fine.

"Do you think I don't want you? My body goes on high alert whenever you're around. I can see what would happen, I'd let you assert your dominance over me and then what? I'm just suppose to be okay with losing that part of myself? Jesus, Christian I'm not denying you just to be stubborn I'm saying no out of self defense!"

I hear his sharp intake of breath and then he's walking out. I think I hear him mutter "fuck" just as he closes the door but I'm not sure. I'm left alone in this room and I hate it. I want him. I can't deny it. Every part of me wants Christian Grey.

I opted to take a Taxi with Mira and Ian instead of riding with Kate and the brothers Grimm. Club Fire is packed as usual. Despite that fact as soon as one of the workers sees Christian we're led to a VIP table. It doesn't surprise me. I'm sure he gets special treatment everywhere he goes. The music is loud and matches the lights and lasers moving around. I love it. I intended on getting drunk but I know that would be a bad idea now so I order a margarita and remind myself that it will be my only drink. Jose finally gets here and I jump up to hug him. He introduces himself to Elliot and Christian before pulling Mira onto the dance floor. They look so care free, dancing sounds like a good idea. I grab Ian and we push ourselves in between sweaty girls who look like their having seizures instead of dancing. We move and I follow his lead. He moves his hand to my hips but his touch seams foreign. I push that thought out of my brain and try and lose myself in the music. It doesn't work though. I can feel Christian watching me and that's all I can think about.

Mira finally introduces us to her sister. Leila isn't as talkative as Mira and she seems taken back by Christian. Surprise, surprise. Every time he looks her way she puts her head down like she's afraid to look at him. I feel a little jealousy when I see them talking in the corner though. We look alike and that's obviously Christians type. _You turned him down Ana, Remember? He's has every right to want Leila. _It doesn't take long to cheer my green monster up when Leila and Ian seem to be hitting it off. After Christian talked to her they've acted like they don't exist to each other. It's only making me curious.

_Maybe he knows her. _I didn't look at many of the pictures from Google, could she have been one of them? She looked afraid of him almost but there was something there that I can't quite put my finger on. I hope Ian wasn't right. Kate talks me into a few more drink and it allows me to loosen up some more. We spend most of the night on the dance floor. Having fun with my best friend was exactly what I needed. When we finally sit down Mira, Leila and Jose are taking off. I can tell Ian likes her and It makes me happy.

"Ask her out already Ian" I can see his smile as soon as I whisper into his ear.

"I already did... I want to do things right with her, she's special. I hope you understand."

"Don't worry! Friends though, right?" I really do care about him. It may not be in a romantic way but It would suck to lose his friendship.

"Of course Steele! What kind of man do you think I am?" We have a few laughs and I'm glad things won't be weird. I feel like we accomplished something collage kids hope for. A no strings attached relationship that doesn't end with one of them getting feelings for each other.

"We should be given a metal!" I laugh and he understand what I'm talking about

"One more dance before we leave?" I yell to Kate and she's all for it. We hit the dance floor and all eyes are on us. Before the song ends Elliot's behind her and their pretty much humping on the dance floor. I feel arms wrap around me and a familiar electricity runs through my body. His hands rest on my waist and I place mine on top of his. I look up at Christian and I can't help but smile. This is where I want to be. I ignore every warning my mind throws out and I let go. Feeling the bass vibrate through my chest I move my body with his. I lay my head back against his chest as he pulls me closer to him. He kisses my neck while his hands roam. I can feel his arousal pushing up again my lower back.

"Yes" I don't recognize my own voice. Its lighter than I whisper and filled with want.

"I want you Christian, yes." He groans and his hands squeeze me tighter.

"Why the change of heart Miss Steele?"

"I don't want to think. I just want to feel. Now if you want we can keep talking but I'd rather you take me home." I got the reaction I was expecting. He grabbed my hand and before I knew it he was pulling my into a room off to the side behind the bar.

"We can't be in here Christian!"

"Why not?"

"Umm... What if someone catches us! We're going to get in trouble!"

"Ana I own this place. Anyone who comes into this room is fired" He locks the door behind is.

I roll my eyes. Of coarse he owns this place. He owns all of New York City!

"Ana, Ana. Did you just roll your eyes at me?" That smile of his. It's dark. It's hot.

"Maybe" my breathing is ragged. The anticipation is killing me. I want him to touch me to kiss me but he doesn't. he Walks around me like a lion stalking it's prey.

"There are many things that displease me Miss Steele. That is one of them. You will learn."

I swallow. Hard. I'm not sure where this is going but I'm curious.

"I need you to understand everything I'm about to tell you. When I'm done, you can decide weather you'll leave this room or not. Understand.

"Y-yes" I squeak out.

"I'm going to spank you now Miss Steele. If you chose to stay that is. I will explain to you why you have displeased me. Do you understand."

_Okay, you got me. I'm turned on. _Obviously his need for control carries into his sex life. I've never been spanked in a sexual manner and I never though I would want to be but I feel like I could try anything with this man.

"Yes"

"Yes, Sir" He gives me a look that says he means business and I almost roll my eyes again.

"Yes, Sir" I purr. By the evil smile on his face he liked it.

"Bend over the desk with your hands out in front of you. Do NOT move until I say" I do as he says

My heart beats faster. I'm waiting for the smack but it never comes. I'm not going to beg him if that's what hes after. I watch him walk in front of me and open the closet to the left of the desk. When he turns around he has a long black paddle with holes. I immediately stiffen. Panic almost sets in before I remember the breathing exercises I'd worked on years ago.

"Don't use that" He cocks an eyebrow up at me and looks angry for a moment

"Anything else. Not that, Please... Sir" I whisper. I think he senses my underline reasoning and he nods.

He pulls off his belt holding it in front of my face. I nod in agreement and he walks behind me again.

Relief washes over me and I try to get back to the place I was before I opened the closet. It doesn't take long. Christian Grey has a way of making you forget everything when he touches you.

"You have no idea how I felt when I saw you in this dress Anastasia. Aroused, Angry, I could have killed every man looking at you tonight. You will not wear this dress in front of another man again. Do you understand?" _You have got to be kidding me. Fine I'll play along._

"Yes. Sir"

"We have some things we need to talk about Ana." He says this as he moves his hand from my back to my butt pulling up my dress until its above my waist. He groans. I forgot about the underwear I have on. Their is practically nothing to them.

"You lied to me today" And there it is. I knew he could tell when he and Kate were talking. I couldn't say anything, I knew it was the truth.

"You are never to lie to me again. Do you understand?

"Yes, Sir"

And then his hands were gone and after a second I felt it. The belt hit my behind and tears rushed to my eyes. Heat pooled to the spot where it connected.

"Aaahhhh!"

"Count Anastasia!"

"ONE" I yelled. The screaming almost took the pain away. Dulled it at least. This wasn't what I had expected. I imagined a playful spanking. No. This hurt.

"You kissed another man in front of me. Were you intentionally trying to make me jealous?"

Before I had a chance to protest the belt came down again.

"TWO" I groaned loudly

"They way you let him put his hands on you. I never want another mans hands touching you again. You. Are. Mine. Ana."

And the belt collided against me.

"THREE" My behind was on fire, and still I was turned on. I chose not to think about how wrong that was and stay in the moment. His grunts were enough to push me over the edge. I felt his hand run over my welts before the sting came down again.

"FOUR" I can't take much more. I think he senses it and he drops the belt. His hand squeezes my but and then he gently pulls down my thong. I wince as the fabric runs over my flesh. He walks next to me leaving his hand on my butt. My breathing is rough. It's matching his and I close my eyes. I feel his fingers run over my sex and I hear his growl before they plunge into me.

"So wet, Ana, So ready"

He moves his fingers at a steady pace and I squirm under him, little moans escaping my body. He stills.

"Don't move, Ana. I won't tell you again."

I hear the foil packet rip and then feel him at my opening.

"Do you still want this?"

"Please, Sir" I manage to get out and then he slams into me. I cry out and cum as soon as he enters my body.

"Jesus, Ana"

He moves at a frantic pace and I struggle to keep my hand on the desk. The feel of his body against my raw flesh is something I can't explain. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Everything gets blurry and I close my eyes. I can feel it building up again. He digs his fingers into my hips and pounds into me. I hear him growl and that's enough for me. I cum and yell his name, my walls contracting against him.

I push back against him and he growls again as he finds his release.

He leans forward and places a kiss between my shoulder blades. _God I love this dress_

He pulls out of me and fixes himself before putting my underwear back in place and smoothing my dress back over my bottom.

"Are you going to get up?" He asks it's almost a laugh

"You told me not to move until you say, and you haven't said."

"You can get up baby" He has a big smile on his face as he kisses my temple.

I stand and wobble for a moment before using the desk to steady myself. I use my finger and comb my hair back in place. Christian reaches around and pulls me into him while looking into my eyes. He kisses me. Until now all of his kisses have been hard and hot but this one wasn't. It was soft and slow and sweet. I can't help but smile. I feel happy. Genuinely happy, not the forced happiness I've felt the last few years. We walk out of the room and back to our table where Kate Elliot and Ian are talking. They all give us the same look when we stop in front of them. I know they know how we've spent our time away and I blush. Ian looks as if he's ready to kill Christian and I can't meet his gaze. This is too awkward.

"I don't share Miss. Steele" he whispers into my ear. I feel a cold chill run down my back at his words.

The ride home is silent. I rode with Christian, Elliot and Kate and Ian took a cab back to his apartment.

I'm more confused now than anything and I really need to talk to Kate. I can give other people great advice but when it comes to me I've got nothing. We pull up to the apartment and the guys let us out. Elliot gives Kate a big kiss and walks her to the door. I'm not really sure what I'm suppose to do now. This just seems awkward and weird. I mean, what do you say to a man you let spank and fuck you in the back room of his club? Thankfully he breaks the silence.

"I'd really like to see you again"

"Me too" I wasn't expecting that and it makes me smile. "When"

"I'll surprise you. Laters Baby" He says and then kisses me.

Kate and I decide we'll talk tomorrow and we head to bed as soon as we're in the house. That night I slept better than I had in months and I have a sneaky suspicion that Christian has something to do with it. I wake up feeling well rested. Though my behind still stings when it touches anything. When I walk into the kitchen I see Kate at the breakfast bar and Ian cooking eggs at the stove. I almost have to do a double take to make sure I'm seeing this right. I get coffee and then stumble into the seat next to Kate.

"Good morning sleeping beauty" he says while he stirs something that looks like an omelet.

"Not that I'm not thrilled to see you here making delicious food. What are you doing here?"

'I'm hurt Steele, really" He says and laughs. "My roommate wasn't home and I left my keys at the shop. Kate let me crash in the guest room"

"Oh, Okay. Well thanks for breakfast!" I say and laugh.

After he's done cooking we all sit and eat, it feels normal. We talk about Christian and Elliot and Ian tries not to make any jerky comments. I don't tell them about the back room but I think they know, Or they THINK they know exactly what happened. He still warns me, tells me that he thinks Christian is dangerous but I assure him that I'll be fine. I remind him that we both train with the same martial arts instructor and that my brother has made sure I know how to defend myself against creeps.

"Alright ladies, as much as I like hanging out with you I need to get ready for my lunch date with Leila"

I almost ask him to see what her and Christian were talking about last night but I decide against it. I'm not going to bring him into my jealous snooping so I'll figure it out on my own.

"I'll walk you out" I say as I jump down from the stool.

I'm glad we can be friends without it being weird. And we're laughing about it when I open the door.

Unfortunately for me I wasn't expecting Christian Grey to be standing at my door step. Both men stiffen and stand taller when they see each other. Christians hands ball into fists at his sides and he looks my way. Gray eyes burn through me and I know this looks bad. He opens his mouth and his tone is like ice. I've never felt as much fear from 1 word in my life.

"Surprise"

**Thanks again for reading my story. Please review and let me know what you think! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! Sorry this chapter took so long to get out (It's also a short chapter) I've been on vacation so I haven't had much time to write. Thanks you again to everyone who has followed/reviewed/favorite my story! I hope you guys like this chapter. **

My breathing sped up and my heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest. I'm not sure exactly what he's thinking right now but I have a pretty good idea. Neither of the men seem to be backing down and I really don't want to see a fight. Not that there is any reason for them to but they have decided to hate each other for some reason.

"Christian, what are you doing here?" _ Really Anastasia, that's what you come up with?_

"Apparently I'm interrupting." He's talking through clenched teeth and I swear I can feel his anger from here. His word from last night echo in my head. _"I don't share Miss. Steele"_ and my behind aches in response. I need to disarm this bomb before it goes off.

"Ian was just leaving. Weren't you Ian?" I give him a look and nod hoping he understands. However, all hope was lost when he turns to me and opens his mouth.

"You sure you'll be okay with this guy?" He's not intimidated one bit by Christian and I think that angers him more. His jaw tightens as he looks at Ian and I know world war 3 is going to start in a moment.

"I'll be fine now go, you have a date to get ready for, REMEMBER!" I almost shout the last word he finally stats walking away.

"Yea, yea, but call me if you need anything, Steele."

I breathe a sigh of relief when we gets into the waiting cab but it's short lived. When I look at Christian I want to run and hide. I can tell that he barely has a hold on his anger and I say a little prayer.

"Get dressed, I'll be waiting in car" Is all he says before he runs his hands through his hair and walks down the stairs.

"Where are we going?"

He doesn't answer. He keeps on his path to his SUV and it makes me angry. I'm not some little lap dog that will listen to his every command.

"Hello, I'm not going anywhere or doing anything until you talk to me!"

People walking are starting to stare as I yell. He turns and looks at me like I'm crazy. I'm sure people don't defy him often. Well get use to it Mr. CEO. I'm no trained monkey.

"Ana, Go get dressed. My car willing be pulling away in 5 minutes. With or without you and I won't be coming back." And with that he closes the door. Well I can be angry too! I walk into the house and slam the door. Kate looks at me like I've lost my mind.

"Don't ask."

I walk into my room and throw myself onto my bed. _If you don't go you'll never see him again Ana. _I don't get why he's so damn angry. We had one night.. That doesn't exactly scream committed relationship. And he didn't even let me explain why Ian was here, He's found me guilty before the trial! I know I should go. I can't let him leave thinking that something happened. And I know I'll be sad if I never see him again.

I Throw on leggings a tight red sweater dress with black leather combat boots, a matching leather jacket and rush out of the house right as the 5 minutes were up. My hair is in a messy bun and I only had time to wash my face but it will have to work.

He gets out of the car and opens the passenger side door for me. My insides clench at the sight of him. _Not now Steele. _He's in a gray sweater that fits him perfectly, dark wash jeans and black boots. He's perfect. He doesn't talk the entire drive. He won't answer my question and I don't think he's even listening to a word I say. What is with this guy? We finally pull into the underground parking garage and he gets out. Well I'm probably going to make him angrier but I'm not leaving this car until he talks to me. He opens my door and I stay in my seat while he looks at me like I'm missing something.

"Christian, you won. You got me into the car. And by the way the ONLY reason I came was because I knew I wouldn't see you again. But I'm not leaving this car until you talk to me. I don't know why you're so angry and acti-"

"Stop Ana. Get out of the car. We will talk in private."

His voice is so powerful. He grabs my hand and I take it. He leads me to an elevator with his hand on the small of my back and I feel the same connection I have every time he touches me. It's confusing and making it hard for me to think. It doesn't take long for the doors to open and we're on our way to his apartment. The air changes and soon as the doors close. The energy is more powerful. My breathing changes and I bite my lip trying to take my mind off of whats going on in my body. I look at him and I can tell he feels it too. In that moment everything changes. He's on my faster than I can blink and he's kissing me. Hard. My hands make their way to his hair and I gently pull. I take it from the slight moan I hear that he likes with. He cups my behind and lifts me while deepening our kiss. And just as fast as he starts this he stops. He breaks off the kiss and we're both left trying to catch our breath.

"You are mine Ana. I thought I made myself clear last night."

"You haven't given me a chance to explain! Nothing happened with Ian"

His brow rises and before I can elaborate the door open with a _Ping_ and Taylor is standing across from them.

"Taylor you and Gail can have the day off."

He nods at me and smiles before disappearing.

Christians apartment is breath taking. Cold but breathtaking. Floor to ceiling windows covered the far wall in the living room giving a view of the city. All of his décor was black gray and white but his decorator was a genius, it molds together and looks fantastic. It doesn't look like a home though. It gave off the vibe that these things should be seen and not touched.

He walked us to his kitchen and turned to look at me. Shivers ran down my spine with his stare. He didn't look as angry but I knew we were just in the eye of the storm.

"Coffee?" His voice is still distant and cold.

"Yes, please"

I took the time to look at his kitchen. It's a bakers dream. Black cabinets with a matching fridge that looks to have more buttons than my phone. A double oven in the wall with the range on the huge island. It was sleek. This place must have cost him millions.

"Miss. Steele" He hands me the coffee and hazelnut fills my nostrils

"Mmm my hazelnut my favorite"

I slip off my jacket and place it on the chair at the bar. Christian does the same and sit next to me turning his chair so we're facing each other.

"So, Anastasia, how about you explain to me why your _friend_ was at your home despite my warning"

I hate the way he says it. But, I try to put myself in his shoes and I guess I understand his cold tone. I at least need to explain that this is just a misunderstanding.

"Well, I guess at some point after he took his taxi home he realized his keys were left in his tattoo shop. I had gone to bed but Kate was still awake and let him crash in our guest room."

"Is that so?" I don't think he believes me at all. I suppose it does far fetched btu I really have no reason to lie.

"Yes, it is. I was just as surprised as you were when I walked into the kitchen to see him and Kate talking. NOTHING happened between us. We ended our... Arrangement last night. Before you and I..." My words trailed off and embarrassment crept in.

A smirk crossed his face and he looked at me with fire in eyes.

"So did you like what happened last night?" He asked in the sexiest tone I've ever heard. Of course I like it. It was the best sex I've ever had. But did I really want to tell him that? Seems like his ego is already too big...

"Yes, I did" I'm not going to say anymore than that. But he's smirking again so i'm sure it's written all over my face.

"Come with me. There is something I want to discuss with you"

He walks me past what looks like his own personal library and into his office. He walks behind his large mahogany desk and motions for me to sit in front of it. After sitting he hands me a paper and I'm sure the confusion is showing on my face.

"It's an NDA. I shouldn't have let anything happen before having you sign this. Being in the position that I am I cannot be too careful Miss. Steele."

"I see" I quickly sign as he raises an eyebrow.

"You're not going to read it"

"I have no reason to tell anyone anything about you, Christian."

"Okay, then. I need to show you something. I want you to consider what I'm offering. If you liked what happened between us I'm confident that you will enjoy this."

My palms get sweaty as I wonder what he could be talking about. Surely he means sex. Maybe he did believe me about the whole Ian situation. He leads me down another wall way and stops and the last door on the left. He unlocks it and takes a deep breath before opening. I'm hit with the smell of citrus before I see anything. He steps aside and lets me in.

The room is large with red walls. A big wooden 4 post bed sits in the middle and has matching red sheets. There is a sex swing hanging off to the left in the corner and more paddles and canes hanging on the wall on the right. I walk over to the chest of drawers opening it and finding different sex toys. Anal beads, dildos bullets, plugs, clamps. I think he has every toy known to man in different shapes and sizes. Many look like torture devices and I'm not sure if me being curious is a good thing or if it means I'm as crazy as he is. There is a contraption on the ceiling and I honestly have no clue what it could possibly be for. On another wall there is a large X made of wood and chains connected to the four corners.

Now it's making sense. The paddle, the need to spank me when I "Displeased" him. His need for control.

"You're a Dom?"

He looks at me with lifted eyebrows and waits a moment before answering.

"Yes, you know about this lifestyle?"

"A little, I've never personally been in it but I have heard a few things." Does he want me to do this? I'm confused. I honestly don't know what to think about this.

"Why are you showing me this Christian?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"You want me to do this?" My voice is higher than usual. I already knew the answer.

"I want you to be my submissive Ana. You liked what happened last night. I can show you so much more. I can teach you things and make your body feel things you've never dreamed of. You just need to let me."

"Let you have control of me? I can't do that."

"You did last night. How did it feel?"

"Well, I'm not sure. I liked it. But that it much different. You would have control over every aspect of my life wouldn't you? I like being in control of my life."

"To an extent. We'll have a contract I can show you now. You will only be here on the weekends. The rest of the week will be normal. However I will have a list of rules that you will follow. And if you displease me... Well. I think you can guess what will happen"

There is that word again, Displease. How do women willing give up their life? One look at his gorgeous face and smile and I know why. It's the same reason I'll agree. Because Christian Grey pulls you in. He makes you need to be in his presence. That scares me. I can't let myself need him. I let myself need someone and they leave. I can't be broken again. But there is something about him. If I don't do this I'll always wonder what if and I think that will hurt just as much as being broken.

"Show me the contract."

He leads me back to his study. Waiting for me to take the seat and then sits behind his desk. pulling the contract out of a folder he hands it to me.

This bar far has to be the craziest thing I've ever considered. Me and Ian had a no strings attached relationship but this is a whole other ball park. Do I even have it in me to be submissive like this?

"All this back and forth you're doing in your mind. You won't have to do that anymore. You'll be free of tough decision making when it comes to this." He says it with a commanding tone. I guess it gives me a glimpse of what's to come.

"Will you hurt me?"

"No more than you can take Ana. I want you to feel just as much pleasure as I do. You will be punished when you disobey but that's not all this would be about."

I look through the contract and a few things pop out to me.

"No paddle Christian. Ever." I need him to understand this. He seems to and doesn't argue with it.

"I figured as much. We'll make that a hard limit. Would you mind telling me why?"

I don't want to. But his tone tells me he's not really asking, he's telling me to tell him. It seems to personal. I almost have to laugh at him. I'll let him do crazy things to my body but telling him about my crazy step father who hated me and beat me with his homemade paddle just for the hell of it was too personal?

"I'm just not comfortable with it." I say hoping that will satisfy him. It doesn't. I can see it all over his face. But he says nothing so I guess his questionable look is okay with me.

I won't be able to look into his eyes. And that really sucks. His eyes are so beautiful. When I ask if that can be changed he makes it clear that it will stay. Weird.

"I like food. I'm not going to starve myself. Why do you need to control my eating habits?"

"Food is an issue for me, Ana. That is a part of this package."

I Take a deep breath. _You can do this Ana. _Can I? It would be easy to fall for Christian. I can't let that happen. But I want this. I'm tired of being afraid. So I make my decision before I can think any more.

"Show me wear to sign"

He gives me the biggest panty dropping smile I've ever seen while I sign my life over to him.

Then he signs and places it back into the folder he got it from.

"We have some shopping to do Miss. Steele." And with that he leads me to the SUV and my life as Christian Grey's submissive begins.

**Thank you guys so much for reading! Please review and let me know what you think : )**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! I know I just updated (I'm working the next chapter!) I wanted to answer a few of your questions and ask some of my own. **

**First, I have made a pinterest board for the story. I have the Characters (Only the ones that have been introduced so far) some of Christians place, clothes Ana wore. I've just started it so I'll add more later : ) It is under the name Destiny07 fanfiction. /destiny07f/the-pursuit-of-freedom/ if that link doesn't work just search for it and it should pop up. Just imagine the CG I have chosen with grey eyes. **

**Second, I have been getting emails from Fanfiction of reviews but they aren't being posted to the actual story reviews page. Are any of you having that problem? I have counted 19 that have been written and aren't showing up on the actual story. If you know how to fix that please let me know! **

**Okay, on to a few of your questions : ) I am a firm believer in happily ever after. It's going to take a little time to get there though. Ana and Christian don't know each other very well but they are drawn to each other. In the next few chapters you will see why Ana does things the way she does. I'm trying to tie up some of the questions about the dream and a little back story. That may be in the chapter after next but I'm going to see if I can write it into this next chapter s little. **

**I wanted to do a story where Ana signs and see where that would go so there will be a dom/sub relationship but don't worry that won't be for too long! Ana is insecure when it comes to relationships. That's why her arrangement with Ian was the way it was. So it's going to take some time and work on both of their parts to get through that. **

**Christian's reasoning's are the same. He's never had a real relationship and he needs the control. Please let me know if you guys would like a chapter from his POV. I wasn't planning on it but I can if you all want it : ). **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! I Didn't intend on this chapter being this short, I wanted to take it further into the story but I don't have time today and I wanted to post something since it's been almost two weeks. I've written erased and rewritten this 4 times so I'm hoping you like. **

**For those of you wondering (not sure if I addressed this before) I don't plan on having Ana be Christians sub for very long but I did want to explore that a little since there aren't many stories showing that roll and the issues they have to work through because of that and I want to see where it could go. **

**So this is what I have written so far. I hope you guys enjoy and again, I'm sorry it took so long!**

I didn't immediately regret my decision to be Christian sub. I didn't fully think it through until after that weekend. Though any sane person would have. Hell a sane person would have ran for the hills the moment he opened his red room of pain. But I wasn't sane, I was curious, I wanted Christian, and he made it clear that this would be the only type of relationship he wants and he wanted that with me.

I don't fully regret it now. I guess I regret giving in so quickly. I should have gone home. I should read over and objected more to things on his list. Since I've left my Mothers house I've been somewhat proud of myself. Not proud of every one of my actions and decisions regarding my life but I was proud of the fact that they were MY decisions. I controlled what I did and how I lived and where my life went.

My Mother let men control her. She was afraid of being alone so she was with a new guy every few months. They were usually losers with no job or house and definitely no respect for anyone especially her. She would move them in, make me call them Dad, swear that she was in love and they were getting married. Then he would be gone and a new one would take his place. That happened for as long as I can remember.

By the time I was 14 there were too many men to count. My new "Step Dad" had moved in and I was tired of it. He didn't like me and the fact that I voiced my opinion on the matter too much. So he would hit me. He was a sick bastard particularly liked hitting me with a wooden paddle he made. I remember my Mom laughing at the faces I would make after he would beat me. She didn't care. He cut me out of every family photo we had. And when I finally had the guts to tell my Grandmother about what was happening My Mother told her I was lying and just didn't like her new boyfriend. She had just found out she was pregnant and said I was having a hard time with it. Despite my grandmother always being the voice of reason she believed her. I was just 'acting out'. I got the worst beating of my life that night. My mom yelled and told me I just didn't want to see her happy. She kicked me out the next day. Despite me pleading with her. I was 15, barely a girl I needed my Mom. But she was never really a Mother. I was a burden she was forced to take care of. Though she never really did that anyways.

My saving grace was my brother. He had joined the United States Marine Corps when I was 10. Finally saving up enough Money to buy a house he moved me in right away. He loved me the way any brother would. Protected me, he was my best friend. I never told him about what had been happening back home. He would have killed my Mom's boyfriend. Life was normal for a few years. It was amazing. And then he deployed. The day after my 17th birthday. Tears poured down my cheeks as I watched him get onto that bus. I made him promise to stay safe and to write me as much as possible. Which he did. I would send care packages to him and his unit and he would send me bottles full of Iraq sand and letters. Letters promising me he would be home soon... It was 7 days before he was to come home that they knocked on my door. Men in uniform telling me my brother had been killed.

It seemed as if my life was over. But then I got accepted into collage on a full scholarship and it seemed like something good was happening. I put on a mask and forced happiness in everyday life. And I vowed to never get close to anyone again. Kate saw right through my bullshit and she's been my person since I started here but I haven't really let anyone else in. Ian was the closest thing to a relationship I had, had, out of fear and I fully intended on keeping it that way. I couldn't take anymore heart ache.

Now look at me. A submissive (Which is pretty much a sex slave) to a man I barely know. And of course I can't get to know him because of the rules. That weekend seems like a lifetime ago. He took me shopping, I personally loved shopping but I didn't like the idea of him paying for all of these clothes. It made me feel cheap. I didn't want a sugar daddy, I wanted Christian. I have a fairly impressive closet at home but I buy everything designer via Ebay and sales. I've never paid full price for my designer clothes and shoes. And him spending so much money on me seemed wrong. I tried to object but he quickly reminded me of the rules. After that everything was great though.

He took me on his boat that Sunday. The Grace, named after his Mom. He told me I'm the first person outside of his family to be taken there. That really made me smile. We spent the day Sun bathing and racing on the water jets and after our 'kinky fuckery' which he calls it, he held me until I fell asleep. It was perfect. I though I could get use to that, spending time with Christian. We emailed and talked on the phone every day and he took me out to dinner that Wednesday. By Friday I was stoked to see him. I hadn't heard from him by 6:30 when Taylor picked me up which was odd but I didn't think anything of it. I had found out I passed all of my finals with flying colors. I dared anything to squash my fantastic mood.

Now, let me tell you. Tempting the fates, not the best idea. Daring the fates, well... You're just asking for trouble. Which is exactly what I got when I bounced into his living room without a care in the world.

"Christian! If you're wondering why I have this insanely big smile on my face you won't have to for long. I think I'll shout it from the top of the Empire-"

I Didn't finish. He wasn't alone. The snotty rich woman that interrupted us in front of GEH was there. Standing insanely close to him, with her hand on his arm and whispering in his ear. When she turned she look surprised to see me. I really dislike this woman.

"Since when do subs call you Christian?" She looks at him with the same surprised look. I feel my stomach drop and I almost puke. I can't believe that he would tell someone that I was his sub. It wasn't any of her damn business what we did. The longer we stood there the angrier I got.

"She knows?" Is all I can get out. Looking at Christian and I can't read his face at all. But God does he look beautiful. _Not now Steele, remember the anger! _

"Christian?" I saw when he doesn't answer me.

Finally he breaks his silence and turns towards her.

"Elena I'll talk to you about this later"

"Anastasia I want you in the play room. Now."

I didn't move until Elena was into the elevator.

"Anastasia" There is a warning in his tone. But there was no way in hell I was just going to let this go. And there was absolutely no way I was going to let him know he intimidated me.

"Don't" I practically yell at him. Damn it. I was hoping to talk calmly but I honestly want to hit him. How dare he tell that woman about what we're doing. She is obviously an ex. I'll be damned if I have all of New York knowing what I agreed to because of some gossiping blond.

"Why does she know that I am your sub Christian?"

"Now is not the time"

"No, now is exactly the time! Because you're rich and in the tabloids from time to time you're the only one with something to lose? You want to keep your squeaky clean reputation. Well guess what, I don't exactly want anyone know the details of our relationship either! Is privacy only something you're entitled to?"

"Ana, Elena is a close friend. She would never tell anyone about what goes on here. Between me and you."

"That is not the point. She knows. You told HER! It's not just between me and you now!"

"We'll work this out in the play room. Come."

"No, no. You're not going to just fuck me into submission on this subject. I want an NDA." _Hold your ground Ana!_

"What?"

"I'm not going into the play room until you sign an NDA. I don't want you talking about what goes on between us. Not anymore. And especially not with your ex's"

"And how do you know she is an ex?"

"Anyone from a mile away can tell... If you isn't an ex you guys have at least had sex. Or she is just really into you. Call it woman's intuition."

He runs his fingers through his hair in that sexy way and paces for a few minutes before speaking.

"Fine. My Office."

"What? You're giving in so easily?"

"I want you in my play room as soon as possible. Signing is a means to an end."

"Okay."

We quickly make our way to the office and he hands me an NDA practically identical to the one I signed. I look over it and he signs slipping it into the same folder our contract is in.

"Now." He says in a growl. "Play room. Now. Miss. Steele"

His Voice is dark and honestly a little scary. I've probably made him angry and all I can think about on my way to the play room is that I'm probably about to be introduced to the punishment part of our agreement.

_Crap._

**Thank you again for reading! It means a lot that so many people like my story! Please review!**


	7. Chapter 7 - The apple doesn't fall far

The smell of the wood polish hit me again and my hands trembled as I opened the door. My nerves were starting to get the best of me. I quickly strip down to my panties, braid my hair and pull it to the side like he had shown me. Kneeling on the floor I try and calm myself. My breathing techniques do nothing. I'm gripping my thighs like they're my salvation. Looking around doesn't help either. I just imagine what he's going to do to me and it looks like he could do some serious damage with the things he has.

_Christian would never seriously hurt you, Ana._

I blindly trust him for some reason. And I don't trust easily, at least I thought. I really don't know what he is capable of, though. But I feel like I've known him my whole life. The little time we've spent together has been amazing. It isn't just his body that draws me in it's the way he speaks, the way he makes me feel. He is incredibly intelligent, it's no wonder he has built such an empire at his age.

I thought things were going great. I really need to find out who this Elena is and why he feels the need to tell her our personal business. I feel betrayed, angry, really angry. But those feeling are in the back of my mind right now.

30 minutes passed since he told me to come here. My legs are starting to get sore. My mind is racing wondering what is taking him so long and freaking out trying to imagine all the things he could do in this room to punish me. I wouldn't say I was seriously afraid but there was a bit of fear. My nerves were 20x worse than when I came in.

_He's probably planning the ridiculous things he could do to you! _

Then I remembered that he told me that my imagination was the worst part of punishments. That my mind would make them seem worse than they actually were. And he was right. I had been imagining all of the terrible things he could do to me. And that is exactly what he wants me to do. Waiting alone in this room while my imagination drives me crazy with what if's is part of my punishment. Well, this is what I signed up for. I'll take my punishment.

Finally, after 50 minutes of waiting for his highness to grace me with his presence he shows up. Looking better than I could have imagined. With nothing but a pair of dark wash jeans on. His muscles, my god his muscles. Arms, Chest abs seriously he's perfect.

_Other than the whole,"I like to whip blue eyed girls" thing. _My subconscious remind me.

Yea sure, there is that. But I've liked everything hes done so far. So maybe I'm just as crazy as he is.

"Up" He commands and it's different this time. He's commanded me to do things before but nothing like the way he says it now. I take the chance to fully look at him. His stance is different, taller. I can't read his face at all. He standing the way he was the day he found Ian at my apartment. He's in Dom mode. He walks around me and I get the feeling like he's a lion stalking his prey again. He finally stops in front of me and yanks on my braid forcing me to look into his eyes. They're deep and piercing and his penetrating gaze is almost too much and I have to force myself stay still instead of looking away.

He motions for me to follow him and leads me to the middle of the room where a chains hang from the weird contraption on ceiling.

"I want you to think of something that you hate. Not a person, but a thing. Anything.

_Umm Okay_ "Kiwi"

He gives me a weird look and then a small laugh which almost immediately stops and then another weird look.

"Okay, Kiwi is your safe word. If anything ever feels like it's too much and you can't handle it anymore use that word and I'll stop whatever I am doing, understand?

"Yes, Sir" _What the hell is he about to do to me that would make me use a safe word?!_

"Good"

He pulls both of my hand above my head and attaches them to the chain with slightly padded cuffs.

He moves to the side of the room and pushes a button on the wall and the chain tights and pulls me up. He stops it when I'm only touching the ground by the balls of my feet and toes.

My heart is racing. I'm a nervous wreck. I need to know what he's going to do to me. The not knowing is killing me.

He walks over to the drawers to our left and pulls out two metal clamp looking things and waves them in front of my face.

"O God" I whisper and that seems to make him laugh

"As much as I love hearing your voice, no talking right now Anastasia."

I Close my mouth and look at him again. I wish he would just hurry up and get this over with. He's making a show out of this though. Of course.

"We have a few things to discus, Ana" His voice is turning me on beyond belief and I try and cross my legs to hide my arousal. However that goes terrible wrong. What I wind up doing instead is spinning around on the chains. _This couldn't be more embarrassing_. Christian reaches out and catches me. Steadying me on my feet and holds me close to him. I can smell his scent and it is intoxicating. It's so unique, so Christian. Before I have time to respond I feel a hard smack to my behind.

"Stay still, or your punishment will be worse"

"Yes, Sir" I let out in a hiss. I really see no reason why I should be punished. If anything HE did something wrong.

"You have a smart little mouth on you. We need to work on that. Defying me is not acceptable. You seem to have gotten too comfortable with our... Arrangement and have forgot your place. You are my sub. You do as I say without hesitation."

"Yes, Sir"

"Good. Now. These are nipple clamps. They will be painful at first, I want you to breath through the pain, Anastasia. What is your safe word?"

"Kiwi"

As I say it he places the clamp down over my nipple and lets go f it.

"Ahh!" _Pain._ Only pain. It hurts. Like hell. I don't know why he talks about pain and pleasure because all I feel is pain at the moment. And then he places the other. _Fuzzy_. Everything gets fuzzy. Heat rushes to my nipples and I grind my teeth together hoping to relieve some of what I was feeling. Dammit this hurts.

"Breath through it, Ana" He says in his domineering tone.

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding in a rush. The pain has turned into a small pinching now and I think my nipples are starting to get numb. _Fine with me, whatever makes it feel better. _The look on his face almost makes it completely worth it. He's turned on and radiating an animal like quality. It only arouses me more.

I kneels in front of me and in one swift move he pulls my underwear off, lifts me up and wraps my legs around his shoulders. His mouth and tongue are doing ungodly things to my most sensitive area making me convulse as my orgasm rips through me.

He waists no time pulling my legs off of him. He stands up, unzips his pants and frees himself. Grabbing my legs again he lifted them to his waist.

"Hold on tight" He whispers into my ear.

He hold my back with one hand and he reaches up to hold the chain with his other. Pulling it and navigating the metal grid above our head he walks us over to the wall.

Christian reaches between us kisses me hard and then slams into me. He doesn't stop he goes at a frantic pace and I bite my lip trying to silence the screams.

"No, let me hear you Baby. I need to hear you"

I open my mouth and the distorted voice that comes out doesn't sound like me. I yelling and screaming so loud I'm sure security can hear me.

As I start to contract around him he lets go of my hip and removes the clamps on my nipples.

I have never, ever in my life felt anything as intense as this. The original pain has absolutely nothing on what I feel now. My breasts are pulsing and hot, I'm sure to have bruises tomorrow. But along with the pain it's also the most intense orgasm I have ever had. It goes on for what seems like forever and I finally come down after Christian finds his release.

We stay like that for a few minutes. His forehead resting against mine. Eyes closed and panting. When our heart beats finally slow and our breathing is back to normal he unhooks my arm and puts me down.

I'm tired, so tired. My body feels heavy. He walks me to my room lays down with me and wraps me in his arms. Sleep calls to me and I'm quickly pulled into the darkness.

I didn't dream that night. Or if I did I didn't remember it. I didn't wake up in a cold sweat or panicking. I woke up in Christians arms. It feels good. Calm. I hadn't felt like that in a very long time.

However that was short lived. Like I said, That felt like a lifetime ago.

In reality it's only been 3 weeks. 1 month of being Christian Grey's sub. Well, the weekends per our contract. That damn contract. He made sure I 'understood' the rules. That I knew that the first week had been uncharacteristic of him and that things would be different. Considering the fact that I thought the first week had been amazing (minus the bump that was Elena) I taken back.

I could be Christian's sub forever if it were just in his play room. But his control over my every day life is a bit ridiculous. When I signed I don't think I fully understood what all of this entailed. And his moodiness over the last two weekends has almost been more than I can handle.

I was stupid to think that this would be a 'no strings attached' relationship. This is as attached as it gets. Hell, I'm his puppet! I want that first week back. I want more. And I'm angry at myself for wanting it.

For years I've kept myself closed off from relationships and here he comes. He shows me that I can have more and then he takes it away. And I let him. I eagerly strip myself of the independence and strength I've fought to have just to spend time with him.

If my brother could see me now. If my Mother could see me now!

I wonder if this is what she felt. Like she needed them. The men. Like the thought of not having them hurt. Maybe that is why she let them control her, the other options were too painful.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree I suppose.


	8. Chapter 8

**I know, two chapters two days in a row! I finally got some more time to write so I'm writing as many as I can. I'm going to try and do a full chapter from Christians POV but man it is tough writing from his POV! I hope you guys like this chapter. **

**The lyrics from this are Losing My Ground by Fergie. I don't picture Ana with the same vocal style but the words were perfect for the situation. Anyways, I hope you guys like this chapter. Thank you so much for all of the reviews/follows/favorites! **

"Ana, hello... ANA"

"Oh, what's up Jose?"

"I've been talking to you for the last 5 minutes. What has your attention?"

"A lot" I say being completely honest "I've just been zoned out the last few days. Sorry! I'm here now, what's up?"

"I was just asking how you like the band. But what's going on with you? You aren't yourself today."

He's right. I'm not. I haven't been myself for a while now. I've been tied up (sometimes literally) with Christian and I've lost myself somewhere along the way. And that was what I was afraid of when we started this thing. Losing myself. Or falling for him and him leaving. But what I have become now. This Ana. I don't like her. I'm just like Carla. I let him control my life because I thought that being with him was worth it. But nothing is worth losing yourself. Not even _The_ Christian Grey.

I don't know what changed him so much after those first few weeks. He is amazing but he has gotten distant and his control over everything I do has become too much for me.

"I know, Jose, but I promise I'll be back soon. I'm just in a mood I guess" I say trying to sound a little more cheerful. He nods and smile but I know this won't be the last of it. He's given up for now though so I guess that's enough for me.

"Hey, Steele! Where the hell have you been?" Ian yells from across the bar. He and Leila make their way over laughing and smile the whole time. Turns out things have been going great with them. Despite the fact that she's married and left her husband just a few days after meeting Ian. To each their own I suppose, I definitely can't judge.

"Mr. Moneybags has locked her away in his ivory tower, haven't you  
heard?" Kate yells back.

"Yea yea, whatever guys" No matter the jokes, I've missed these guys and I really am happy to be hanging out.

"So what HAVE you been up to?" Ian says.

"Eh, you know the usual" What else am I suppose to say to that? Really I shouldn't even be talking to him. I'm fairly certain that Christian would have my ass if he knew Ian was here.

"Promise me you're okay, Ana?" Kate whispers into my ear.

"I promise. I'm getting there" I give her the biggest smile I can muster and take and long sip of my margarita. I need to put Christian in the back of my mind and have fun with my friends or else I'll be dodging these questions all night.

After a few more drinks and fun conversation I'm laughing and joking along with everyone.

Finally Matt lets us know it's time for our set and we make our way to the stage. Spotlight is packed as usual and the cheers and screams from everyone could seriously make my heart melt.

As the band starts I hold my breath. I've never felt this raw on stage before. This vulnerable. When I open my mouth the words are almost painful as they come out. To see them on paper and sing them to myself is one thing. But to stand in front of all of these people and show them my biggest fear. To hear it with my ears and understand that I'm here. The place I've never wanted to be. To understand that when I look in the mirror I don't recognize the girl looking back at me. Yea, that hurts.

But I push through and I sing. Because I know it's what I need.

I woke up short of breath, but I've still got a long day ahead of me

I don't know what day it is but tell me 'cuz I gotta know who to be

Is this me up in the mirror? 'Cuz I thought it was somebody else

Well it's a realization, when you find out you don't even wanna look at yourself

Where do I go?

What do I do?

Who do I turn to?

I'm losing my ground

Who am I now?

Where does it end?

How did it all begin?

I'm losing my ground

Well, hit my feet, it time to hit the streets

And get my life back together again

Well, this place is all a masquerade

So tell me where in line can I cut in?

Downtown wandering aimlessly around still don't know what I'm tryin' to find

Well you could flash all the pretty lights in front of me, I still won't see the signs

Where do I go?

What do I do?

Who do I turn to?

I'm losing my ground

Who am I now?

Where does it end?

How did it all begin?

I'm losing my ground

When we're done I go straight to the bar for a beer and when I turn around it's like deja vu

Christian is standing in between Ian and Elliot at the table drinking a beer. His eyes find my and they hold my stair. There is something completely different about the way that he's looking at me. Almost sad? Maybe, I don't know. He's always so hard to read and it's hard to tell what mood I'll get today.

When I get to him and wrap his arms around me and pulls me in. I let myself relax into him and he kisses my forehead. This is bar far the most intimate thing we've ever done. It almost feels normal.

"Can we talk?" He asks as he searches my eyes as if he looking for some big answer, only I'm completely sure what question he's really asking.

"Yea, lets get out of here."

I say my goodbyes to everyone and we make our way to the SUV. He's holding me tight and I feel like this is it. The beginning of the end. I know it's coming.

"So you think you're smothering her, Christian?" The man asks

"Yea, maybe..."

"And you don't think she's happy with your relationship?"

"I know she's not happy."

"And you know what will make her happy?"

"I think I do. I'm lost here, Flinn. For the last 9 years I have had control over every aspect of my life.

And then that damn art show happened and ever since I've been in a constant battle between needing control and needing Ana. She's not a sub. Not outside of the playroom anyways and I was a fucking idiot for having her sign that contract."

"DAMIT!" I yell as I stand up and pace the room

"What the hell am I suppose to do here?! I can't lose her!"

"Have you talked to her, Christian? There is a bigger chance you will lose her if you don't communicate your feelings and talk to her about what's going on in your mind."

"I don't know how to live without control and I don't know how to live without Ana."

"You need to talk to talk to her. Would you like to make an appointment for the both of you. You can talk to her here and I can work through it with both of you"

"No. I need to do this on my own. I just... I'm not use to this. Every woman I've been with has wanted exactly what I want. And if they started to want anything else I let them go. But I can't do that with her. I have to at least try. I can't lose her and know I didn't do anything to try. I have to show her that I can at least try. She deserves that much."

30 minutes later I'm parked outside spotlight. I know she's there and I need to talk to her. I'm Christian fucking Grey and I'm afraid of a conversation with a woman?! _Get it together_.

Walking in I can see her sitting at the table. She's happy. Smiling, laughing. I'd give anything to be the one putting that smile on her face. I watch her as she walks onto the stage. Her confidence amazes me. But when she stands and holds onto that microphone stand the wind is almost knocked out of me. The pain on her face is evident. And the words to her songs. That. Is what I'm responsible for. Not her smiles and laughter but her pain. I did that to her. It's too late to make this right.

Damn it! She told me! She told me before I had her sign the damn contract that she wouldn't be okay with losing that part of herself and I took it from her anyways. I was too busy thinking about what I wanted out of our relationship that I didn't think of what she was giving up. _Now you've done it Grey._ How the hell do you plan on fixing this?!

"Grey!" I hear a pitchy voice yell

"You mind telling me why my best friend is a fucking mess?"

"Why don't you ask her, Kate?"

"No, don't give me that bull shit! I know it has something to do with you, so I'm just going to tell you once. Don't screw her over! She has dealt with too much, more than you could imagine. I don't know what the hell is going on with you guys but the only time I've seen her this broken is... She cares about you. So if you don't genuinely care about her end it before she ends up broken. I'm telling you now Christian, if I have to help put her back together again after all of this I promise you'll regret it!

And with that she walks away.

Although I hate her delivery I'm happy that Ana has someone in her corner. We both care about Ana and in the end that's all that matters. I need to get my girl.

Walking into his apartment is eerie today. I wonder if this is how inmates feel before their executed. I sure as hell feel like I'm walking to my death. _Don't be so darn dramatic, Ana. _

Christian holds me tight. I know he can feel the dynamic change between us.

He leads me right to his room. Before today I had never been there. The times he did sleep in the same bed as me we were in my room. Subs aren't aloud in his room per the contract. I take a moment to look around and I see the photo of me from Jose's show. With the picture Ian had drawn on my back. I knew he bought it but I never would have guessed he would put it in his room. Looking around more I see two of the others mixed in with the other art on his walls. This genuinely makes me smile.

He sets me down on his bed and starts undressing. Shoes, then my jacket, tights and then my dress.I'm left sitting in my black lace underwear and he lifts me up and motions for me to undress him.

With shaky fingers I unbutton his shirt and let it fall to the ground. I undo his belt and pants, pushing them down and he steps out of them. E stand in front of each other like that for a while. Arms to our sides, not touching. Just looking into his eyes. I have no words. No matter what happens tonight one thing is for sure; we will never, our relationship will never be the same.

He caresses my cheek with his knuckles and then slowly kisses me. Softly, passionately, beautifully. We lay down on the bed and he finishes undressing my and then himself. He keeps one are tightly banded around me and the other is propped up on his elbow holding himself onto the bed as he slowly enters me. He only breaks our kiss for a few moments to plant kisses down my jaw and neck and then back. Soft moans escape my mouth and I cling to his back and we orgasm together.

I've had my head laying on his chest while he runs his hand down my side for a while now. I don't think either of us knows what to say. There is something so perfect about silence though. Nothing but the sound of his heart beat in my ears is calming. But with the silence comes the questions. He told me he didn't make love and that's what we just did, right? What is with his newest mood change? Bringing me to his room?

"I want to cancel our contract, Anastasia" He finally says.

I hold my breath. It feels like a smack in the face. Yes, I saw this coming but I though I would be the one to do it. I didn't think he would, and not like this.

"Breath, Ana. Just listen before you freak out...That song, your song, it's because of me right?"

"What?"

"You lost yourself, because of me? I took your control away from you."

I don't know what to say. I didn't know he was there for that song.

" I know, I've been an ass. Giving you that contract was a mistake. You aren't a sub. I don't want you to be a sub. I want more. I want you to sleep in my bed. I want to take you out of the playroom. I want to be the reason you have that gorgeous smile on your face every damn day. I want that Anastasia. I've never wanted anything more in my life."

I don't know what to say. I am stunned. That isn't what I was expecting him to say. I'm not sure how I'm suppose to feel about what he said. How do I feel?

I know that before this I was coming to the realization that I needed to end things with him. But could I really have a real relationship? Could he even be in a real relationship. He's never done this before. He thrives on control, he can't just get rid of it so fast. And he has been everywhere the last month so what happens if I say yes and then next month he's over and wants a sub again? His attitude has already done a 360 and if I fully give myself to him for him to change his mind so easily again... I wouldn't survive it. _Everyone always leaves, remember, Ana? _Well. I'm not going to be on that end anymore. I can't, I just can't.

"Christian... I. I don't -"

"I know, we have a lot of shit to work through. And I'll mess, I'm not completely sure of what I'm doing here but I'm going to try."

"Kiwi"

"What?"

"Kiwi" It slips out of my mouth before I can even think.

He stands up not even trying to hide the looks of pain on his face.

"I'm sorry, Christian. This is too much. I can't do this. I can't."

"And I can't have you go back to being my sub."

"I know."

"So" I don't think either of us can keep the sadness out of our voices.

"I should go" I can feel the tears in my eyes but I need to be out of this place before I let them fall. I can't let him see me cry. I hastily wrap myself in the sheet and run out of his room.

"Ana, wait!" I can hear him yell behind me. But I don't stop the tears are falling and I need to get out of here. I run around the corner completely forgetting security and run right into Luke Sawyer, the personal security guard Christian had assigned to me after I signed the contract.

"I'm sorry" I semi squeak out

"Are you okay Miss. Steele?"

I'm sure I look a mess. Crying and barely covered in a sheet. I wrap it tighter and start walking again.

"Yes I'm fine, thank you"

I get to my room and lock the door. I rush to get dressed pulling out a pair of black jeans, black leather boots a gray shirt and a black coat. I'm not sure how long it takes me to get ready but when I get to the living room Christian is fully dressed and sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. I take a moment to watch him. He looks just as broken as I feel and that makes me feel worse. As if he can feel me he immediately stand and looks at me. But he stays where is is. Just watching me.

"I.. Um. I'm sorry." I finally get out.

"You have nothing to be sorry about..." "Sawyer will take you home."

"I'm fine. Really. I want to walk."

"Ana, it's late. Let him take you home. Please" I didn't think about the time. But I really just want to be alone.

"I really need to walk. Can he follow me in the car? It's just a few blocks away..."

Hes trying not to yell I can tell and I appreciate it. He runs his hand through his hair and breaths out in a rush.

"Fine"

I walk over to him slowly putting my hand on his chest and stretch up and kiss his cheek but he turns and I end up kissing his lips. It's a soft kiss and seems to say everything we can't right now.

"Goodbye, Christian"

With every floor the elevator passes I feel worse. And when I bust out of the lobby and the cold winter air hits my face and the tears flow freely. I couldn't stop them if I tried. I pull my hood up and make my way to my apartment. I feel empty. Like the only thing left of me is back in that apartment. And the tears fall harder. I cheeks and eyes sting as the cold wind blows and makes me feel as if my tears of freezing as they fall down my face. It's a welcome pain, however.

I know this is what I have to do. His mood swings were starting to give me whip lash and if I stay with him it will be more of the same. Self defense remember? And then my words from our first kiss come back to me.

_"Ana that man would ruin you if you let him. And God knows you'd let him."_

**Thank you for reading. Please review! Let me know what you're thinking : ) **


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey everyone! I would like to thank everyone who has commented and followed this story! Seriously you guys are great! For those of you who aren't happy with how things went down in the last chapter I would just like to remind to go back and read the summary. This story WILL have a HEA. But it's a journey. And yes, there will be drama and normal relationship problems. If you don't like that sort of story that's fine. You don't have to read this one. There and many amazing stories on this site! I personally like tortured souls. That being said I appreciate both the good and bad reviews. **

**I hope you guys like this chapter and continue to read. : ) Have a great day. And can I say, I"M SO GLAD ITS FALL! Summers in Georgia are comparable to hell. I'm sure of it. **

The Christmas season has always been my favorite time of year. I would spend it with extended family. My Aunt Emily and Uncle Cooper had 8 kids from their previous marriages so holidays were always busy and filled with family. The women would pile into the kitchen while the men played cards and watched tv. It was always like a mini family reunion. Some of my only good memories as a child were made in my Aunts kitchen. It was like magic, no matter what was going on, if my Aunt was cooking it would bring our whole family together.

Cole hated Christmas time, though. We were complete opposites in that. I would start playing Christmas music in November and drive him crazy. Force him to go look at Christmas lights with me. I can't explain the feeling I would get when we'd walk downtown after it had snowed and all the Christmas decorations were up. I was made for winter, snow and everything that came with it. He on the other hand, wanted it to be 98 and sunny all of the time. When it was warm and the sun was out Cole was on the beach.

I'm not sure if I miss him more now, while I'm walking around in this big city alone feeling utterly lost during what should be the most wonderful time of the year. Or during the summer when Kate insists on spending every minute on the beach. Surfing and bonfires always seem to bring me back to summers with him.

I felt his stare before I heard him but his voice still shocked me.

"Ana?"

It was strange, his voice. Sounded like saying my name was painful for him and that sent more chills down my back. I knew he was behind me. But I didn't want to turn around. I had unsuccessfully spent the last two weeks trying to forget him. Trying to force myself to remember the reasons I said no and ended things. I had managed to push it back a little the last few days. But it was always there. Through my lifeless smiles and forced conversations. I wasn't fooling myself. Being without Christian was almost as painful as being with him. Kate had always told me that losing yourself and heartbreak were different pieces to the same puzzle. That's it is the same pain the magnitude was just different depending on the situation. I never believed her until now.

"Ana" He says again with more conviction.

I finally turn and the sight of him nearly knocks me off my feet. I really don't know what I expected him to look like but if it were possible for him to be even more gorgeous than he already was then he had found a way. He's wearing dark jeans a crisp white shirt with a skinny black tie and a gray pea coat. I'm momentarily stunned into silence until he lifts one eyebrow and gives me a looks that turns my bones to jelly.

"How are you" he finally says

"Um. I'm good." I lie. Really what else is there to say? I miss you. A part of me even misses the play room. It wasn't all bad in there. In fact it was mostly good. It was outside of the playroom that I couldn't handle.

He shakes his head like he knows I'm lying but he won't comment on it and so very glad he didn't. Crying in front of an ex isn't something I like doing.

"Are you going somewhere?"

"Not really... Just walking." I don't understand what hes getting at until he says it.

"Have dinner with me" I open my mouth to say no but honestly it would be harder for me to walk away from him right now so I agree.

The walk to the restaurant is quiet. As quiet as a walk through Manhattan can be. It's almost comical. I've let this man do ungodly and sometimes downright sinful things to my body and I don't know how to have a conversation with him. He opens the door to a large building and waits for me to walk in. But I can't. I know what comes next. His hand on my back. His presence is already doing crazy things to my mind. His touch will shatter me. I wait a few beats and finally step in. I brace myself for his hand but it never comes. That almost throws me off more. But I blink the surprised look away and continue to the elevator. Let me be completely clear when I say elevator rides with Christian Grey are pure torture. Especially when he isn't yours anymore. When you body aches for him and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

"It's sort of funny, you know. In a twisted kind of way" I say

"What exactly?"

"I use to be deathly afraid of elevators. I would stand in the corner and take deep breaths so I didn't freak out."

"You're kidding?" He says like its SO unbelievable.

"Nope. Completely serious."

"And now?" He says with a knowing look. Obviously thinking about how he cured my fear during the second week of me being his sub. Now being in one evokes a completely different feeling inside. And the 3rd Elevator at GEH with forever hold one of my fondest memories of our time together.

"Now they aren't so bad" I say with a smile

We quickly step off of and into the restaurant. Th hostess quickly welcomes us and almost stumbles trying to look at Christian while walking to our seat. I feel a little bad for her. I Know that feeling all too well.

The food is amazing and Christian always knows the best wine to pair it with. Awkward silences fill the air and since I'm a fat girl at heart I focus on my food. He has always has a weird thing with food and you really don't need to tell me to eat twice.

"What were you thinking about" He finally says

"I'm thinking this food is really good" I say and point to the last bit of steak on my plate.

"No, not now" he says laugh "While you were walking. You had the crinkle in between you eyebrows that you get when you're thinking hard about something and you looked like you were in another world"

"I guess I was."

"Do you um..." He puts his fork down and flexes his hand like hes nervous or uncomfortable. This Christian I've never seen. "Want to talk about it?" He finishes.

And his sentence tugs on my heart. He is genuinely asking me instead of telling me to tell him like he usually did. I don't feel obligated to tell him what was on my mind. But the fact that hes asking instead of telling and making an effort not to be as controlling even though that his nature, really goes a long way with me.

"My brother" I say with a shrug

"I just miss him a lot. Especially around this time of year. I should be giving him crap and dragging him out to do cheesy Christmas activities"

I thought I'd break down and cry if I talked to anyone about him but my smile is actually pretty big. And it's genuine.

"You look happy talking about him."

"I am" I say with a smaller smile "I guess I just always though talking about him would be unbearable. But it's actually nice to talk to someone who didn't know him."

"I'd tell you more but my guess is you have a heft folder with every detail of my life somewhere locked away in that tower of yours" I smile as I say it and the corners of his mouth tilt up.

"Ah, you know me so well." _Do I?_

"But I only know facts. Not details or how you feel. I like hearing you talk."

Well that's news to me. As his sub I could only speak when spoken to. Its odd seeing this part of him.

After we're done he quickly pays and we head back down. This part is going to suck. Awkward goodbye's and stiff "see you later"'s. Dinner was actually nice. I didn't know what to expect.

"you're walking back to your apartment?" He says when we finally get to the street

"Yep! It seems like a waist to speed past all of this doesn't it?" I say as I spin and point to the Christmas decorations and lights around us.

"I never really notice"

"You "Don't notice" all of this?! What's wrong with you?" I try and put as much sarcasm into it as possible.

"Too much time in the board room Mr. Grey" I say and smile. He laughs along and then grabs my arm as I turn.

"I would love to walk you home"

Well... That got serious fast. He looks into my eyes searching for the answer and stutter as I talk.

"Christian. I. I um."

"Just listen for a minute. Losing you has gutted me. I want more than anything for you to be happy. I wanted to be the one making you happy. I thought that canceling the contract would do that. I saw the light drain from your eyes when we weren't in the play room. You stopped talking as much and you rarely had a genuine smile. I wanted to give all of that back to you. But I understand why you said no. During our contract I was constantly fighting with myself. Over what I thought I needed. Over what I wanted to give you. And what I thought I needed won a lot more than anything else. An I'm sorry for that. I don't need it. If anything losing you has taught me that. I don't know where this could go. Or what I'm doing. I know I will fuck up. A lot. But you. I. Want. You. I Don't want you to say anything yet. My actions haven't shown you how I feel very well. So no matter how long it takes I'm going to show you. I'm going to figure this out and deal with my own shit and show you how much you mean to me."

I'm breathless, shocked I can't think. My mind is numb and I'm just standing there staring at him. _Say SOMTHING steel! _He just poured his hear out. It must not have been easy for him. I need to find words. Something. Okay, breath. Check. Close your mouth. Check. Now find words.

"Well if you're going to walk me home we better get going" I say and manage a smile

He gives me back one of his panty dropping smile and we fall in step beside each other.

"Tell me about your brother"

"Um. There isn't much to tell I guess. His name was, is, Cole. He was hear one day and dead the next."

Tears well up in my eyes. So I guess I was wrong to think I could actually talk about this. I shift my hands in my pockets and look at the ground.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to bring up bad feels, I just though-"

"No it's okay. I've been to enough therapists to know that I should talk about it. It's suppose to be healing or some crap like that."

"He was my saving grace. Living with my mother wasn't the easiest. He made everything better. He was protective, strong a leader everything a big brother should be. And he was smart. He got out of there as soon as he could. Left for basic training 3 weeks after he graduated high school. I was 10. He obviously couldn't take me with him but he did what he could from hundreds of miles away. When things got really bad with my Mom he finally had saved enough to get a house and move me in with him. The best years of my life. Then he got orders and I had to say goodbye to him. Though I never really said goodbye. We said "See ya' later" goodbye's were always too hard. And well you know how the rest turned out. Men knocked on my door and told me he was dead. So I'm here talking to you and he's in the ground back in Ohio. The End"

He puts his arm around me and pulls me close. Tears threaten to spill and I rapidly blink trying to get them to go away. Despite everything that's happened his arms to feel safe.

"I wish I could make this better for you"

"I Know. Thank you" I say in a whisper.

"Keep talking. Tell me some of your happy memories of him"

That's pretty easy seeing as almost every on of him before he died is happy.

"The summer after I moved in with him. He took me and his girlfriend to Florida. Thought he could teach us how to surf. We were terrible, it was hot out and fish freak me out so I gave up a few hours in. I thought I'd cook something while he and Chelsea spent some time together without his little sister bugging them. We had brought one of those portable grills with us. So I put the coals on and I didn't know you were suppose to wait a while before you put food on. I completely burnt the outside the chicken and the inside was raw. Yea epic fail and all that. I was 16 you couldn't blame me too much! Now I know so it's okay. Anyways after we spent hours finding a place to eat that we could agree on we went back to the beach for a bonfire. What can go wrong then right? We would eat smores and play the guitar and dance like we were crazy. Only instead of making smores Chelsea dropped the bag with the chocolate and marshmallows in the fire. Like right in it. Everything we tried to do that day ended up in disaster. But it was the best day of my life."

"So I should remember to never let you cook on a grill then?"

"Hey! If I remember correctly you love my cooking. I just didn't know how to grill back then. My food is fantastic!"

"Yea, yea. Okay" He says holding up both hands.

"Oh, this is me" I say and he stops in front of my building. I was too busy talking I didn't even realize we were close.

"So, I um. I guess I'll see you later" It came out more like a question but I guess it was. His confession made it clear that he'd be around. I'm just sure sure where to go from here.

"Yea, Laters Baby" He says giving me _that_ smile

"Later, Christian" I breath out as I punch in the code and walk into the building.

Today was... Interesting. I am honestly more confused than ever. Men are confusing. Christian is confusing. Or maybe he's actually the one being clear now and I'm confusing. Either way this is just a mess.

I kick off my shoes climbing onto the bed and pull out my guitar. I take a few minutes messing around with different cords before a melody starts going through my head. Unfortunately Kate's words are mixing with my melody and while she normally has a pretty good voice I don't particularly want her 'Oh God's and 'I'm coming's to be in my newest song. So I quickly pull out my head phones and hope that Spotify can drowned out the sound of her and Elliot. This is going to be a long night.

**Please Review! : ) **


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you all so much for the new reviews, likes and favorites. I love hearing what you have to say! **

"Three more!" Kate yells to the bar tender. How on earth I let them drag me out I'll never understand. It was 2 against 1 though. Obviously not fair but that's how friendship works I suppose. Not that I don't enjoy the club scene sometimes, but tonight I was quite content with watching Pretty Woman and eating chocolate cake in bed. But according to Kate and Mira it's, "Sad and a bit pathetic for a Saturday night" … Whatever.

I down the shot and try to hide my disgusted face. I really hate Tequila. My only hope right now is that I get drunk enough that I don't taste it anymore. I have a fairly high alcohol tolerance so I've never really been drunk but tonight Kate is making it her mission to get me there. And while I'm starting to feel it after my 5th shot and a glass of some mixed concoction she pushed into my hand, Mira is completely plastered. And she is hilarious drunk. I swear she is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen but she can distort her face into the craziest looks.

At some point she must have called her sister because Leila showed up about an hour after we got here.

She looks at me shyly as Kate pulls Mira to the dance floor. _I'm going to need a 6th shot. _I think to myself. This couldn't be more awkward. It didn't take long for me to put two and two together. Her behavior around Christian and their weird conversation the night at the club. She is obviously one of his ex-subs. Not that I'd ever ask. With our relationship the way it was and the fact that it really had nothing to do with us I figured there wasn't a point. And it definitely wasn't worth a punishment. Still, she seems like a great girl but the images of Christian's hands on her, doing to her body the things he's done to me. Whispering those things in her ear. Pulling her hair. They're too much for me. _Yea, maybe I'll need a 7th shot too._

"Two more please!" I yell to the guy behind the bar.

"Um, I actually don't drink" Leila yells over the music.

Well that works for me. Seeing as I was ordering both for me anyways... Maybe it was a bit rude of me not to offer her one? Or rude of her for assuming? Does it matter?

"Okay" I slightly smile and knock both shots back.

"How couldn't someone as beautiful as you have had such a bad day it's made you drink like that?"

A man, very creepily I might add, says as he pushes into the small space between Leila and I.

"Um, My day has been fine thanks" I say trying to dismiss him but no such luck. He moves closer to me.

"I'm Jack"

"I'm spoken for, Jack"

He turns his head looking around and presses closer to me.

"Well I don't see him anywhere."

His smile is bright and if he weren't being an ass and didn't smell like a distillery he might be somewhat attractive. However, he is and he does so it just creeps me out.

I look at Leila, though I'm not sure why and she gives me a small smile before talking to the man.

"That's because it isn't a him." She says speaking up.

I Hold my shocked face and try and move closer to her. His face is confused for a few moments and then his whole demeanor changes. His eyes turn dark as he look us over.

"How about you ladies let me show you a good time."

"We AREN'T interested." I stress again.

"Now please leave us alone" Leila shouts.

"How about I buy you a drink" He moves his hand from the back of my chair to my thigh rubbing along the seem of my leather pants. I quickly smack his hand away and try to push him away from me.

"I said no!" I yell a bit louder than I had before.

Before he has a chance to respond a tall man with broad shoulders and dirty blond hair puts himself between Jack, Leila and I.

"Is there a problem here?" He looks at me and I can only nod.

"These ladies want you to leave them alone. I suggest you listen."

Jack looks like he wants to say something but doesn't and walks away. Leila and I both let out a sigh of relief.

"Thanks!" I shout over the music.

"No problem, you ladies have a good night. And find me if he messes with you again"

I nod once again and Leila grabs my arm pulling me away. Standing up was probably the worst thing I could have ever done. Maybe all those shots weren't affecting me because I was sitting at the bar. But trying to walk, in heels no less is pretty hard. We get to the restroom and I start laughing. I'm not sure why, maybe the whole scene that just unfolded but I laugh. Leila looks at me like I'm crazy for a moment and then lightly giggles with me. However she quickly stops before giving me a sympathetic look.

"It's not my place, I know. But Chris- um. Mr. Grey won't be happy about this."

My giggles are silenced as soon as I hear his name.

"You are correct it isn't your place. But you are also correct that he would be pissed. Nuclear even... But we are no longer together." I say with a small smile and a shrug.

"Her eyes go wide for a moment before looking sympathetic again. "Oh, I'm sorry. I um. Never mind."

"It's okay, really. Don't worry about it"

We get quite. Awkwardly fixing our hair and makeup. I slowly chant "You are not drunk, Ana, you can walk in heels, suck it up buttercup" before looking back up at Leila.

"So you and Christian..." Not really sure what else there is to say. Or what I can say with the NDA. But she gets what I'm saying anyways.

"Yea, a few years ago."

"It's okay, this doesn't need to be awkward. I was dating your sort of ex and you're dating mine. We're grown women we can handle it" I say smiling."

"Alright then lets get out of here and find the girls"

"Yea, Can we just do it slowly, those shots suck!"

We laugh our way out of the bathroom to look for Kate and Mira.

"Hey!" I shout into her ear "Can you look in here and I'll take outside? I need some fresh air anyways."

"You'll be okay out there alone?"

"Yep! I'm walking on my own just fine now and If someone does mess with me I have a lipstick taser in my clutch!" I laugh out.

Making my way to the door I try and look around for Kate. But this place is pretty dark and I really need air. It's so hot and crowded. I swear I get groped every 3 minutes. Busting out of the doors the cold air feels so nice on my face. I take a moment to breath it in before looking for the girls. They're standing around the corner by a car and I wave over to them. Kate really isn't paying attention to me but Mira mouths one minute and goes back to the conversation. It's really sort of annoying. They could have at least told us they were coming out. But I shrug it off and walk closer to the door again. Something catches my eye and I fully turn to see the guy who got that douche bag, Jack to leave us alone standing by the door smoking with a few other guys.

I walk over to him, taking the time to fully look at him. He's actually pretty hot. Not Christian Grey hot but hot none the less. I don't think anyone can be Christian Grey hot.

"Thanks again for earlier" I say when I finally reach him.

They all look my way and then back to the guy before telling him they'd see him later and walking into the club leaving us alone.

"It was no problem, really"

"I'm Ana by the way"

"Paul"

"Nice to meet you, Paul. I have to go but thanks again." I say shaking my head and walking towards Kate and the mystery car. Leila walks out as I pass the door and joins me.

"Sorry I was going to get you I just thanked the guy from earlier and then I was coming to talk to them"

"No worries, Mira finally picked up her phone."

"Cool"

When we reach them and I see why Kate wasn't paying attention to me. Elliot was sitting in the passenger seat with Kate now on his lap. The drivers seat is empty but I have a few guesses as to who was with him. When I look in front of me Leila has wide eyes and her head bows slightly. And then I feel his breath on the back of my neck.

"Come with me." He says as he puts his hand on the small of my back guiding me over to the other side of the car.

"I wanted to take you somewhere"

"Where?" I ask breathlessly.

"It's a surprise"

"I'm not even going to ask what creepy stalker technology you used to find me"

He pins me between the door and his body placing his hands on either side of my head and looking directly into my eyes. Habit is telling me to bow my head, that I'm not aloud to look into his eyes but I can't look away. I get lost in his eyes and he knows it.

"I own this club, Ana"

"Right. How many clubs do you own?"

"Just two"

"Uh huh. Well as tempting as your offer is it's girls night and I'm not going to be the one ditching her friends for a guy."

"I don't think you have to worry about that." He says pointing to Kate. He's right, Elliot is definitely going to be back at our place tonight.

"And what about Mira and Leila, Kate ditches them so I have to also?"

"You and Leila are friends." I never told him I figured out who she was but he's smart he has to know I know.

"We're not besties but she's actually pretty nice. And we have a lot in common." I say winking at him. His mask fades slightly and I see the shock register. I decide I like his shocked look and try to go a bit farther.

"Yea we actually got to talking earlier and she had some very interesting things to say. So we decided to you know, compare war stories. We call ourselves the sub club"

His eyes go dark, jaws tighten and he lets out a deep growl into my ear. It wasn't the reaction I was expecting but fulfilling all the same.

"What, _war_ stories did you talk about exactly?" He says and if I'm not mistaken he is now smirking at me.

"Oh, you know the usual."

His eyebrows go up and I decide to put him at ease.

"I'm just joking, Sir."

"Tell everyone goodbye, Ana" He growls in my ear again. _Oh, God why did I say that?!_

Walking back to Kate I pull her off of Elliot and hug her. "Do you mind if I get out of here? I'll be back home later."

"Of course not, go fix things with your man."

"We're just going to talk!"

"Sure! Well if you need me, Elliot and I will be back home... Talking" She says with a wink.

"Whatever. Bye guys!" I yell to everyone.

"So where is Taylor?"

"I gave him the night out. We can take a cab to where we're going"

"I'm shocked here. Christian Grey taking a cab. I never thought I'd see the day"

"Come on lets go, Princess"

I stick my tongue out at him before I even notice what I'm doing. But to my surprise he doesn't get mad. He laughs and shakes his head at me. It's such I nice sound. So rare it almost takes your breath away when you hear it.

The cab doesn't take us far. As soon as we get out he grabs my hand. It seems like such a small gesture. Holding someones hand but for him I know it means so much more and it brings a smile to my face. He stops us at a coffee shop, orders and then we're off again. Though i'm not sure where he's taking me.

"We're here" He finally says.

"Fifth ave? Why are we here?"

"Well you love Christmas. It's sort of crazy how obsessed you are." He laughs "You talked about doing this with your brother and I thought that maybe you'd like to continue the tradition with me. We'll walk around look at all the Christmas displays and then I have a surprise for you."

My eyes tear up and I try (and fail miserably) to blink them away.

"Christian this is... Amazing really. I would love to continue the tradition with you"

He pulls me into him and hugs me tight. Pulling away I take a drink of my coffee. It's crazy how fast fresh air and Christian Grey can sober a girl up.

"It's really beautiful" I say as we stare into a window display.

"Yea I guess it is. Why do you like Christmas so much?"

"I've never really thought about it I guess. I love everything. The shopping obviously, The food, wrapping presents. Christmas music is seriously the best kind of music. I just love everything. It's a happier time of year. Not to mention I love winter. It's favorite season. I would honestly live in one of those cheesy Christmas movies if I could. They're the best."

"Wow..."

"Wow what?!" I say lightly taping his shoulder.

"Nothing, nothing at all." He's laughing loud at this point and I try to scowl but it doesn't happen. He just starts laughing harder until I finally give in a laugh with him.

"You are insanely adorable" He says, which makes me smile.

"Not so bad your self."

I really don't want to give myself time to think about what I'm feeling right now. I just want to enjoy tonight without anything else getting in the way.

"Well, this has actually been a really great night." I say as we talk past more displays. My favorite by far has to be the giant ornaments and the large snowflakes on the buildings. It's like a winter wonderland.

"You thought it would be different?

"Yea, I guess I was a little nervous. I didn't know what to expect."

"Well then I'm glad it's been a great night, Anastasia. But it's not over with yet."

He leads me to the waiting SUV and I look around wonder how it got there. As if he can read my mind he answers before I have a chance to ask.

"Taylor dropped it off"

"Oh, right" I say and smile.

"Where are we going?"

"Still a surprise, Steele"

We drive until we're 30 minutes out of the city. I spent the entire time trying to figure out where we're going but he gave me no hints. I'm just confused more when we pull into a neighborhood. There are housing bigger than I have ever seen they must be multi million dollar homes. Before I can ask why we're here and turns on the radio and then the neighborhood springs to life. The houses have Christmas lights and decorations that are rigged to put on a show that matches the music on the radio channel Christian had put on. I had seen a few shows on the internet and smaller houses in our town but nothing like this. Every house on the street is lit up and in the show.

"Oh my gosh!" I scream and bounce in the front seat.

"Seriously? This is the coolest thing I've ever seen! How did you find this?"

"Friend of my Mom's organizes it every year"

I bounce more and sing along to the Christmas songs until I see Christian recording me.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"This should be recorded. You're like a little kid. It's cute really"

"Uh huh, give me the camera!"

"Not happening!"

"Fine but I will get you back!" I laugh out.

"I look forward to it."

"I bet you do, weirdo"

When we get back to my apartment he get out and opens my door for me before walking me to the building.

"Thank you, for the wonderful night Christian."

"All my pleasure, I guarantee it."

"Bye"

"Goodbye, Anastasia"

I watch him walk back to his car but I know he won't leave until I'm in the building safe and sound and I can't erase the big smile it puts on my face.

"He's a real gentleman, honey" And older woman standing on the sidewalk says

"There aren't many of them left now days. You hold on to that one tight"

I smile at the woman, wave to Christian and walk into my apartment. I know I have so much to think about but tonight has been perfect so I'll wait till tomorrow to burst this bubble I'm in.

**If you could leave a review I would appreciate it so much! Have a great day : )**


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